Hot Take: New England Fall Actually Sucks

 

When I first told people that I had decided on Wesleyan (and then explained to them what/where Wesleyan is, I swear to god, nobody has ever heard of this school), they would say “Oh wow, fall is going to be so beautiful up there! You’re so lucky!” I entered my freshman year with a fervent anticipation of the legendary New England Autumn. I allowed myself to get swept up in the hype and the beautiful foliage. But now, in my junior year, I’m at home for the semester, and I can say definitively that New England fall actually SUCKS.

Ranking Green Fictional Characters According to Their Relevance in My Life

 

1. Shrek – (obviously)

2. Mike Wazowski

3. The Geico Gecko – (Save 15% or more on car insurance?)

4. Gamora from Guardians of the Galaxy

5. Disgust from Inside Out – (quiet literally a mood)

6. Larry the Cucumber from Veggie Tales – For your viewing pleasure

7. Oscar the Grouch – “You’d be a grouch, too, if you lived in a trash can!”

8. The aliens from Toy Story that say “the clawwwww”

9. The Hulk (not bruce banner) – Spoiler alert his secret is that he’s always angry

10. The Green M&M – iykyk

11. Wicked Witch of the West/Elphaba

12. Kermit the Frog – Brings light to the difficulties of being green in this economy

12. Rex from Toy Story – “I don’t like confrontations!”

14. The Grinch

15. Yoda – “There is no try”

16. Flubber

17. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – I honestly dk

18. Toad from Frog and Toad

19. The Green Care Bear

20. The Green Giant

21. Gumby

Black Squirrels: A Scientific Perspective

We’ve all seen them. We’ve all talked about them. We’ve even written about them. Wesleyan’s black squirrel population is a source of pride, fear, and gossip for the student body.  Despite their fame, we have never known the true origin story of the black squirrel. Until now. Just last year, a team of scientists from the UK and America published their study on the biological source behind this unique coloration. I’ve compiled all the important information below the cut, but I’ll give you a sneak peek here: it’s because these squirrels fuck.

AU: We Never Update the Points Calculator

Imagine: it’s the middle of the Fall 2020 semester. Corona continues to terrorize the nation. The most important election of our lives is on the horizon. The line for Wesshop wraps around the building. Due to all this strife, one important thing slips under the radar: the points calculator.

It’s October, all of a sudden you’ve become worried that you’ve gone to Swings one too many times. You go to Wesleying to check and yet… the calculator is out of date. How can you possibly figure out if you’ll manage to be fed up until Thanksgiving??? Do the math yourself? Never!!!

It’s Spring 2021. America never took COVID seriously, so quarantine is now the normal way of life. You desperately need to go to Wesshop; your food stores are running low and your roommate is looking at you a little too hungrily. But when you go to the points calculator, the words SPRING 2020 mock you. 

It’s 2022. In his second term, Trump was overthrown by Amazon, emboldened by increased tax breaks and a lust for power. You want to know how many points you have left before you go to the all-new-Amazon-Fresh-run Usdan Cafe. You don’t want to leave your room too often; Bezo’s drones are always watching. But the calculator continues to give you an error. 

It’s 20??. As you wander through the wasteland, the thought of a Chai Charger floats through your radiation-addled mind. If only you knew if you could afford it this week… if only… if only the Wesleying editors had remembered… 

But none of that’s going to happen because we did remember. You can calculate exactly how many points and meals you can spend each day for the rest of the semester by going to the link at the top of the website. You’re welcome. 

Unofficial Orientation 2020: Student Identity Groups

This is a new post in our 2020 Unofficial Orientation series. You can find the rest of the series here

Search Wesnest for student groups!

 

One thing that’s been missing from Unofficial Orientation in the past is a list of student identity groups. So, here is a list of clubs of that type which are, to the best of our knowledge, active. 

All descriptions are taken from Wesnest, Wesleyan’s database of student organizations and events.

Unofficial Orientation 2020: Making Friends

This is Bab’s heavily truncated (thanks to COVID) repost of fakeshark’s repost of michelle’s update of kitab‘s update of daniphantom‘s update of their own post. Find the rest of the posts in our 2020 Unofficial Orientation series. here

Make lots of friends to share lots of sandwiches with.

Orientation is the time when you’ll meet so many new people that you’ll begin to doubt that Wesleyan actually has less than 3,500 students. (Don’t worry, in a few months, you’ll start to realize exactly how small this place really is.) In order to help you on your journey to make those lifelong college friends that everyone gushes about, here are a few tips and tricks to use during orientation and beyond:

 

  • Get involved with student groups

There are SO many clubs, teams, and societies on campus that it’s pretty hard not to be involved in some capacity. Being active on campus gives you an instant network of people that you share interests with. This is a great way to meet upperclassmen, and to expand your friend group beyond your hallmates, and/or orientation friends. Which leads me to…

 

  • Have various different groups and relationships

It’s easy to get really close really fast when you start college, and that’s a good thing! That being said, remember to spend time with different people. You and your roommate may get along really well, but if you spend all your time together, there’s likely to be some tension. Most of us are used to having distance from our friends—going home after high school, for example.  This distance is pretty important for a lot of relationships—don’t be afraid to take time for yourself and for other relationships. It’s okay if not all your friends know each other; it gives you an opportunity to explore different things and meet more people.

 

  • Balance old and new friendships

Maintaining relationships at home is important too: some of my best friends are people I’ve known since I was little. Don’t get too caught up in old relationships though—spending all your time on the phone with your best friend from home makes it hard to make new friends. As important as old friends are, having friends who understand your current environment and are physically there gets more and more valuable as you get settled at Wes. You’ll be a lot less homesick when you have new friends, and you’ll have more stories for your old friends anyway. Sometimes it’ll feel like you’re leading two different lives: one with your friends at Wes, and one with your friends back home. It’s pretty fun! 

 

  • Relax, nothing’s set in stone

You’re going to make friends. You’re going to make friends you don’t stay friends with. You’re going to make acquaintance-friend hybrids you feel differently about over the course of your time at Wesleyan. You’re probably going to make friends you later hook up with and then feel really awkward around for a while. You’re going to end up with phone numbers of people you talked to twice during orientation. The point being, people will change and grow over the next four years and your relationships will change and grow with them. Don’t stress if you don’t immediately find people you can see yourself being friends with forever. Keep making new friends—your random Usdan acquaintance might end up being your best friend later on. It often feels like everyone has a wonderful, permanent group of friends they’re completely thrilled with, but lots of people are open to new relationships, take advantage.

Best of luck, new (and even returning!) students. Make lots of friends, maybe even some here at Wesleying! 

This will be your home for the next 4 years. Soak it all in – this place is truly something special. 

We hope this guide to ~Official~ Orientation helps you as you embark on your Wesleyan journey. If there’s anything you still have questions about (or we made a mistake somewhere), please reach out to us via Twitter, Facebook, Email, or in the comments! 

Best of luck, Class of 2024!

Unofficial Orientation 2020: Getting from here to there and back again

This is a part of our 2020 Unofficial Orientation Series. Find the rest of the posts here

Transportation away from Wesleyan can be a tricky feat for someone without a car. But should you want to someday escape the magnetic beauty of Wes or the general Middletown area, rest assured there are in fact options for you.

Connecticut does to some extent live up to its name. This year more than ever in fact with a new CTRail Hartford Line operating between New Haven and Springfield, MA and with future updates to the M-Link Express Route planned by Noah Kahan ’19.

In this article we will lay out for you all the different modes of transportation available to you at all different price points.

**2020 edit: While we’re sure you’re just itching to try out all the different modes of transportation to and from campus, it should be noted that these are ~unprecedented times~ and you should think carefully about whether & where you travel outside of the Wesleyan/Middletown area. 

Unofficial Orientation 2020: Wesadmits Culture

This is a new post in our 2020 Unofficial Orientation series. Find the rest of the posts here.

Somewhere between the invention of Facebook and right this second came the very first WesAdmits. You’re likely already familiar with WesAdmits 2024 – it’s the Facebook group you got added to with your acceptance and where you learned that every single admitted student ever just happens to like both chill nights in and fun nights out. After the introductory formalities in the spring, WesAdmits opens up to the rest of Wes’s student body and becomes a main forum for student communication – lost WesIDs, student plays, club sign ups, abstract questions, polemic debate – you’ll find it all in WesAdmits. Shit goes down in WesAdmits. Here are some of our tips and tricks for learning your way around the forum:

Unofficial Orientation 2020: Music Scene

This is a coronavirus update of fern’s update of un meli-melo’s update of wilk‘s update of Maya‘s update of their post from 2015Q wrote about this in 2013 and 2014. Some things have changed, but the scene here is still ‘unique, zealous, and sweaty.’

The Mattabassett String Collective, a Wesleyan faculty/staff band, performed an eclectic mix of bluegrass, blues, country and rock during THE MASH, Sept. 7. THE MASH, inspired by Fete de la Musique, also known as World Music Day, highlights the music scene at Wesleyan and kicks off the year-long campus and community-wide Music and Public Life initiative. (Photo by Olivia Drake)

This is part of our 2020 Unofficial Orientation Series. A quick reminder that you can check out the welcome post with links to the rest of the articles in this series here.

The more I talk to college kids at other schools, the more I realize how much the music scene at Wesleyan sets itself apart. Though we have them, we are not confined to house parties and bars — there’s music nearly every day, all week. Often, there’s so much music that you can’t possibly go to it all, but you try anyway.

Many student bands have gone on to greater things, like OvercoatsHeems (Himanshu Suri ’07) of Das Racist (Suri and Victor Vasquez ’06), Novelty DaughterAmanda Palmer ’98the RooksHenry Hall ’14 of Grand Cousin (RIP), AND MORE. It’s very special. What’s even better is that 95% of this stuff is totally free.

Except now. Because something something something strange and uncertain times. This semester is going to be way different, and it’s hard to predict exactly how. But I think it’s pretty clear that there will be music in some capacity. If you want some speculation on what the music scene will look like in Fall 2020, or if you just want to psych yourself up for semesters to come, read on after the break.