Truth be told, I know nothing about the mythical Mr. MoConaughy, except that his name was really difficult to spell. In his honor, we named a dining hall after him, and then promptly forgot who he was by nicknaming it “MoCon”.
But none of that matters. You’ve heard all about it, kids: MoCon, the great dining hall, spaceship, and provider of stomach ailments. Filled with food, freshmen, and man-eating crocodiles. And now I’m going to give you some tips that will, with any luck, make your freshman dining experience a bit smoother.
MoCon, with what I think is Laurenellen McCann ’09 getting a drink in the foreground.
INSTALLMENT 1: THE SOCIAL SCENE
First, MoCon is a terrific place to meet lots of your fellow freshmen, and even the occasional sophomore. Much more rarely, you’ll spot the elusive junior or senior in MoCon. Take advantange of the opportunity during orientation to get to know lots of people at MoCon; it’s a proven fact that, aside from orientation week booze-fests, orientation week MoCon dinners are the least socially-awkward places to meet new people.
Other than fellow freshmen, your MoCon experience will be peppered with the aforementioned crocodiles, the occasional suppertime streakers (who ever said shirts and shoes are required?), and an array of friendly (and sometimes-less-than-friendly) staff. The crocodiles are invisible, so you needn’t worry about them, but the staff are plenty visible, so please be polite.
Your weekend mornings will be brightened by the eternally flirty, friendly Grandma swiping your card at the bottom of the MoCon stairs. During the week, it will most likely be a quiet Hispanic man reading a novel.
Regular MoCon personalities include the famous Dave, grillmaster and all-around good guy; the (remark deleted) pizza lady; the cup stocker and countertop cleaner extraordinaire; the bouncy silver-haired salad lady; and the cute pasta lady, among others. Dave is a MoCon staple: befriend him and you will have gained a new friend, albeit not one you’ll see at your next hall party. (Remarks deleted.) The cup stocker is always quiet, but Red Sox fans, rejoice: he loves the team and is always interested in striking up a conversation with fellow fans. The silver-haired lady seems friendly.
Also, one time I witnessed her running around the MoCon floor hog-tied in duct tape.
On rare occasions, the aforementioned student streakers will bolt through MoCon, hungry not for dinner, but apparently for the awed glances of fellow students realizing that they’re seeing yet another type of meat in MoCon.
Tips on food options and the occasional special dining events at MoCon will be forthcoming. For now, more on the eccentricities of MoCon staff can be found courtesy of Jake Cuttler ’09 and the Argus.
Holly adds: Additional Wespeaks on the content of Cuttler’s Wespeak: