You Know You Go To Wesleyan If…

This list was compiled on multiple occasions by the Wesleyan Livejournal Community.

You Know You Go To Wesleyan If…

–When you go to use the bathroom, you don’t even look at the sign on the door anymore.
–You have a favorite side in the Argus/Hermes debacle.
–Prometheus ceases to be known as “those kids who spin fire” and begins to be known as “those kids in Alpha Delt”.
–You look forward to Wesfest more than you look forward to Christmas.
–You’ve played the Indie Band Name Game as a get-to-know-each-other during Orientation.
–Catching a glimpse of the black squirrel always brightens up your day.
–Boobies just aren’t that shocking anymore.
–In your group of friends, 7 out of 10 are jewish and the other 3 are atheist.
–Along the same note, 7 out of 10 voted for Kerry and the other 3 for Nader.
–You have a Douglas Cannon conspiracy theory.
–Your cell phone contacts list consists mostly of people who own cars.
–You’re getting pretty good at understanding the teacher in Peanuts cartoons (“wah wah wah…wuh”) thanks to Bennett’s mumbling.
–You have no idea who bdolangavitt is, but you’d pledge him your soul in a second anyways.
–You get annoyed when you have a lot of reading to do because it’ll cut into your facebook browsing time.
–Since last year, you’ve developed an embarassing and compulsive addiction to America’s Next Top Model.
–Fauver’s new car smell is really starting to get to you.
–Anywhere more than a 10 minute walk away is “too far.”
–Whenever you go to Weshop, you make sure to wear your winter coat–the bulky one, with the large pockets.
–You’ve pretended to be a prefrosh in order to get free swag.
–If you’re not vegan, you vehemently hate vegans.
–…but you have secretly considered becoming vegan anyways just because of the Vegan Cafe.
–You’re surprised when people actually know Wesleyan instead of confusing it for Wellesley.
–When your friends at other school complain about work fucking up their sleep schedules, you stare at them and think, “…sleep schedule?”
–You know what it means to fuck the binary.
–You have a definite preference between Olin and Sci Li.
–The parties you attend are more likely to be broken up by fire alarms than police.
–Everyone you know has taken a course with “Modernism” in the title.
–…Or a course that deals substantially with the identity of a marginalized group in society.
–You don’t say you’re straight, you just “Havn’t found the right girl/guy/other yet.”
–When someone asks you about the construction of binary, they are not talking about computer logic.
–Reading the Public Safety reports is more entertaining than the humor/comics section in the school newspaper.
–You’ve never actually met Evan Carp is, but you hate him anyway.
–You’ve never actually met Jesse Young, but you know and love him anyway.
–Yellow is officially the color of happiness. Thanks, post office.
–You know all of the Mocon staff by name, and maybe their birthdays.
–Dave the Grill Guy has used your birthday as his lotto numbers.
–You’ve realized that the key to popularity is owning a small furry animal.
–You can rank the fraternities by sketchiness.
–You STILL can’t rank the societies by sketchiness.
–You’ve either been attacked by a bat or brag to your high school friends about the weekly Argus bat count.
–You justify spending $80+ a week on pot/alcohol because, hey, think of all the money the Network’s saved you…
–You’ve made out with your best friend, your best friend’s significant other, your roommate, your prefrosh, your french T.A., and Midge Bennett.
–“Priviledged” is the worst insult you can call someone.
–Jessica Barbarosa has listed you as a friend…
–You’ve written at least one Wespeak about how great freedom fo fucking speech is because even though we are arguing about actually CONTESTED political issues, we need to be fucking reminded of that every goddamn week.
–You believe in Santa Claus…You’ve seen him in STlab at least three times.
–For some reason you associate Train’s “Drops of Jupiter” with lifting weights.
–You’ve a living white male, so you only hate 2/3rds of yourself.
–When people talk about liking Bush or disliking women, you can expect that they’re kidding.
–…And your expectations will be right.
–You know people so ironic that they’re taken seriously.
–You’ve been taught to revere the late great Bob Cat even though you’ve never met him.
–Half of the decorations in your room came from IKEA, the other half from the dumpster-diving workshop.
–…And everyone has those damn tibetan prayer flags.
–…And at least one Radiohead poster.
–Living in a house with a porch is as high-class as it gets.
–You have to go see your friends in some performance at least once a weekend.
–You have no real talent in singing/dancing/acting, but you do it in public anyway.
–When you go to the beach and everyone sits facing the ocean, you think, “This is just like Foss Hill…But with an ocean.”
–The person that just called you a “fucked-up, classical sexist” is dancing to “Gold Digger” at Eclectic.

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