The Cone

We’ve seen some weird sex toys, but this is just in a class of its own.

Introducing The Cone. It’s…uh…a vibrating…cone.

Designed by Alan Driscoll, The Cone began life as a wooden S&M chair, however, it proved to be too comfortable! By re-moulding the shape in a super-soft plastic and adding a powerful vibration motor, Alan found himself with a fantastic new toy.

While the advertising thus far is (obviously) largely female-oriented, you don’t need much of an imagination to see how all genders could put this gadget to work. If you can stop giggling at the ridiculous concept. And, oh, this creepy commercial.

So far it appears to only have one US distributor, which describes it as below:

The Cone is unlike any toy we have seen to date. This hands-free toy is made of firm pink silicone and equipped with a 16 function motor that vibrates and shakes at a variety of intensities (and in heaps of patterns that don’t rely on predictable “two seconds on, two seconds off” types of sequences). Similar to the infamous Sybian (without the insertable portion and at a fraction of the cost) the body of The Cone is a delight to snuggle up to and rub against. While it looks nothing like a sex toy, lending itself nicely to sitting out when company comes over, The Cone even comes equipped with a high powered “orgasm button” for those times when you just can’t wait a moment longer to come and need to skip to the highest-powered setting in one heck of a hurry. Best yet, the design is not based on a phallus shape so everyone, regardless of gender, can enjoy the rollicking, totally hands-free sensations.

If you are looking at this and thinking, “Well, great, but how do I use it?”, we sympathize. A few of our favorite ideas include lying down over it to read erotica (so you can get off without getting the pages all lubey!), rubbing against it sitting cross-legged while going down on a partner, sitting in a desk chair and typing emails with it tucked in between the legs (or watching sports or porn or…), and wrapping around it lotus-style with a partner so both people get to play at the same time. While one could penetrate themselves on the tip of the cone, we find it it is better suited for rubbing against the surface; frottage is your friend!

At $139.95, I’d imagine they’d sell more t-shirts that say “Frottage is your friend!” than they would Cones. But imagine how popular you’d be with your hallmates! And at parties! “Hey baby, wanna come back to my room and sit on THE CONE?”