Warmth

It’s getting cold at night but the university hasn’t turned on the heat yet. The best bed warmer is another body, but for those who aren’t so lucky, what to do? Here’s a lame, potentially dangerous, but effective way to warm up your sheets.

(Don’t do this if you have a one-room double, because it can be pretty hard to explain to your roommate. Your call.)

1) Turn your desk lamp on. Do reading or jerk off on the internet, whatever.
2) Wrap the head of the desk lamp in a sweater, using the sleeves to tie it.
3) Turn the lamp off.
4) Take it to bed with you. Hug it. Cuddle it. Let its heat radiate into your body. Ahhh.

If the lamp has a switch on its base, you can even heat it up again when it starts getting cold. But always remember to turn it off! Never go to sleep with it on, especially if you have synthetic fiber sheets. Obviously, don’t attempt this with a halogen lamp–One of those burnt a hole through one of my orchids once. And what the hell are you doing with a halogen lamp, anyways?!