College Prowler: Least Informative Information Ever

Have you ever wasted a half hour at Broad Street reading the many, many copies of College Prowler: Wesleyan University they have scattered throughout the store for prospies? I mean, I have. I’ve also read both cookbooks they carry entirely based on Ramen Noodles, but I digress.

Anyway, evidence of the trashiness of said work:

Did You Know?

Top Places to Find Hotties:
1. Concerts
2. Art Studios (nude models)
3. Foss Hill

Top Places to Hook Up:
1. Dorm room
2. Parties
3. Frats
4. Olin Library

Local Slang

Bubbler – A classic New England term, also used in the Midwest, meaning “water fountain.”

Frappe
– a thick milkshake

Slush
– The gray, dirty snow, usually very wet, often found on the side of the raod in the winter.

Tonic
– Apparently New Englanders use this term in place of “soda” or “pop,” though personally I have never heard it used.

Wicked
– Typical in New England parlance. Usually is used to mean “very” or “extremely,” such as “the Red Sox are a wicked good baseball team.”

So, basically, at Wesleyan, unlike at many other schools, we fuck in dorm rooms on beds. And we all apparently use Boston “parlance” (pronounced “pahlahnce”) when we “communicate” at the “bubbler.” For the next edition, I would recommend the best place to buy your textbooks is at the bookstore. People are often seen doing work at PAC Lab. Students frequently listen to music on things called iPods. And often, they write notes to each other through email.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, PROSPIES.