The first Argus of the new semester is out. Be sure to take a peek at the Public Safety awareness reports. Four drug violations? Not so surprising. Three of which were in the Butts? YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
In other news, I can’t decide whether this is horrifying or comcastic.
Edit: Ruh-roh… In the comments:
hi, i wrote the article, or at least i thought i did. upon looking at the published version, i realized that it had been heavily edited on many accounts. first of all, my original fictional candidate was for dean of the college, NOT dean of diversity. this would make sense because maria cruz-saco is the dean of the college. in general, it seems to me that my original article was much milder than the blatantly crude article that appeared in the argus. though the basic setup was mine, it had a bunch of stuff added that i would never even think of, find funny, or write about, and i feel the need to point this out. not only do i not know who the hell jason kidd is, but i would never make a joke about a circumcized penis or amanda bynes, would not make up an offensive name for the hypothetical chinese baby, don’t know what Jagermeister is, and don’t find anything remotely funny or intriguing about pamela anderson. regardless of whether people even found these things offensive or not, i found them to make what i had to say sound crude while it was intended to be silly, and i resent this.