I gave in. I…I bought a pair of crocs.
But wait! Not the neon-colored bear traps! No, my dignity would not allow it. Instead, I picked up a pair of the newish Croc Primas. Foam ballet flats, if you will.
I know, they’re still ugly. But the $10 canvas slip-ons I bought in Boston past summer were no longer cutting it. God knows I lived in those shoes for the past year– And that was, ultimately their undoing.
They had holes. Big ones. I stitched them up with embroidery floss while I was at Wes but it just wasn’t cutting it. What’s more, they were covered in dirt, mud, and, thanks to my job, rat piss. Oh, sure, I threw them in the laundry once in a while and got used to the sound of an unbalanced washer. But one morning this summer, as I was pulling them onto my feet, it was like a veil was suddenly lifted from my eyes. I don’t know what did it, but I suddenly realized that my trusty slip-ons were in absolutely dismal condition.
It was time for a new everyday shoe. I had eyed the Croc Primas with curiosity ever since I read about them on Faking Good Breeding. So one sleepless night at 2AM, I logged onto Amazon and finally took the cushiony, vaguely rubber-scented plunge.
Verdict? They’re a lot more dense and less squishy than I thought they would be, and feather-light. I followed the advice on the Crocs website and ordered a full size smaller than I usually wear, and they fit perfectly. I was worried about heel slippage, but these things grip onto my feet like some kind of supernatural cephalopod without being tight or uncomfortable. They also have little nubbins on the inside sole that remind me of the reflexology slippers my grandma wears– Not a bad thing. Actually, the only bad thing I can think of (other than the ugliness) is that they make my feet sweat, but I can live with that.
And damn it, I have to admit: They’re comfy. There. I said it.
Will I ever warm up to the original Crocs? HELL TO THE NO.