Sex Party

Eclectic’s annual sex party is upon us. I am reprinting their wespeak because I am pretty excited about using Wesleying’s freakishly high page rank to make sure the internet never forgets this masterpiece.

Frosh: Take note. This WILL sell out.

Brain blow-job: Sex Party 2007
By The Eclectic Society

Unzip your pants, because the Eclectic Sex Party is going to blow your mindcock.

We’ll make you splooge way harder than the first time you ever watched porn on the internet. It will be like that, but real. It will be like that, but with fifteen different monitors displaying fifteen different people doing it with fifteen different animals, and you’re tied to a table with your eyes taped open, and we’re rubbing our hard nipples against your chest.

A party without rules is better than a party with rules. Maybe. But then it’s like, how can you play tennis without a net? Or rackets? Or balls? Or love? You can’t. It’s impossible. So if life is a game (which it is), then the rules of the game for Saturday, Sept. 15 starting at 10 p.m. and ending at 2 a.m. are:

a) Get drunk beforehand. No containers allowed inside the house.

b) Dress to get fucked. Your wildest fantasies will come true, this night, I personally guarantee it.

c) Stuff some dollars down your drawers because we will have special pay-to-see events, the nature of which I cannot disclose in a family newspaper.

d) You must buy tickets in advance, sold Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, lunchtime and dinnertime, at the campus center. Re-entry prohibited, except up the ass.

Without a ticket and valid WesID, we cannot let you into paradise. Tears will fall, mine and yours, mingled, together, but the gods hold firm to these rules.

This is not yesterday’s Eclectic. We are faster, stronger, hotter, and under new management. Treat us right, and we’ll do you all night. Prepare for stories to tell your grandchildren, after oil runs out and no more plastic exists and we revert to hunter-gatherer society. Get it up, keep it up, and apologize to your girlfriend or boyfriend in advance. Because by the time we’re done with you, you’ll be screaming “Eclectic!!!” every time you cum for the rest of your life.

Sincerely,
Phi Nu Theta

Submitted by Stephie Yarger ’08 on behalf of Eclectic.

Date: Saturday, September 15th
Time: 10pm – 2am
Venue: Eclectic

(Visited 27 times, 1 visits today)

42 thoughts on “Sex Party”

  1. Hunter

    Tickets will be on sale tomorrow (friday) at lunch (starting at noon) and night if there are any left. We only have about 50 left until we will be at capacity, so be there tomorrow at lunch if you want to come.

  2. Hunter

    Tickets will be on sale tomorrow (friday) at lunch (starting at noon) and night if there are any left. We only have about 50 left until we will be at capacity, so be there tomorrow at lunch if you want to come.

  3. Hunter

    Tickets will be on sale tomorrow (friday) at lunch (starting at noon) and night if there are any left. We only have about 50 left until we will be at capacity, so be there tomorrow at lunch if you want to come.

  4. Anonymous

    Guests are okay but in order to get in with one you must leave your WesID at the ticket table at the door and pick it up when you leave.

  5. Anonymous

    Guests are okay but in order to get in with one you must leave your WesID at the ticket table at the door and pick it up when you leave.

  6. Anonymous

    Guests are okay but in order to get in with one you must leave your WesID at the ticket table at the door and pick it up when you leave.

  19. Anonymous

    I did in fact add that unnecessary comma for humor. Your noting it somewhat dampened that humor.I thougt someone would notice that the picture also has a glaring spelling error.

  20. Anonymous

    I did in fact add that unnecessary comma for humor. Your noting it somewhat dampened that humor.I thougt someone would notice that the picture also has a glaring spelling error.

  21. Anonymous

    I did in fact add that unnecessary comma for humor. Your noting it somewhat dampened that humor.

    I thougt someone would notice that the picture also has a glaring spelling error.

  25. Anonymous

    My favorite part about the post two above me is the unneccessary comma in the sentence about unneccessary commas. Gorgeous, ironic or not. Or maybe I should say, “ironic or, not”?

  26. Anonymous

    My favorite part about the post two above me is the unneccessary comma in the sentence about unneccessary commas. Gorgeous, ironic or not. Or maybe I should say, “ironic or, not”?

  27. Anonymous

    My favorite part about the post two above me is the unneccessary comma in the sentence about unneccessary commas. Gorgeous, ironic or not. Or maybe I should say, “ironic or, not”?

  31. Anonymous

    That picture you used seems wildly inappropriate for promoting a sex party.Apparently, it is on display in the Galeria Metropolitana de Barcelona. It costs 6,000 Euro. Which I think, is too much considering the unnecessary comma.

  32. Anonymous

    That picture you used seems wildly inappropriate for promoting a sex party.Apparently, it is on display in the Galeria Metropolitana de Barcelona. It costs 6,000 Euro. Which I think, is too much considering the unnecessary comma.

  33. Anonymous

    That picture you used seems wildly inappropriate for promoting a sex party.

    Apparently, it is on display in the Galeria Metropolitana de Barcelona. It costs 6,000 Euro. Which I think, is too much considering the unnecessary comma.

  34. Anonymous

    Does Middletown PD know about this event? Sex for money? Underage drunks? Sounds like a great way to get some much needed money for the city via citations!

  35. Anonymous

    Does Middletown PD know about this event? Sex for money? Underage drunks? Sounds like a great way to get some much needed money for the city via citations!

  36. Anonymous

    Does Middletown PD know about this event? Sex for money? Underage drunks? Sounds like a great way to get some much needed money for the city via citations!

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