Valentine’s Day Party

Wespeak:

I think it is fair to say everyone at Wesleyan has really gotten in the mood for some nice loving thanks to the hot political climate of the last week. If there is anything that makes you want to strip down to the nude and share a quiet moment with that special person out there it has to be (A) Romney’s chiseled cheekbones, (B) Barack’s banging job in Connecticut, or (C) Hillary Clinton’s Hidden Vagenda. Well, worry not, Wesleyan: Eclectic wants to take care of you this week (especially if Feb. 14 brings heartache, instead of the burning satisfaction of love and affection). So come to Eclectic’s Valentine’s Party, but being the ironic group we are, it’s not actually on Valentine’s Day. It is on Saturday, Feb. 16, from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m.

  • This week at Usdan, Lunch and Dinner, look for the Eclectic table selling tickets for $5. The $5 price is worth it. We are importing a hot DJ, to move you and your sweaty love target in all the right ways, so that hopefully you will be getting down in some funky positions after we kick you guys out at 2 a.m.
  • Bring your Wes ID to the party. Girls, wear a bra with a pocket for a condom and for your ID. No ID, no dice. And for the out-of-school hook-up that you might bring this weekend, ze must bring hir government-issued ID, which we will keep for the duration of the party, and give back to you when you and your guest leave.
  • NO ALCOHOL/NO BOTTLES ALLOWED, SO DON’T EVEN TRY. Everyone knows, Hillary Clinton would not be where she is today if she ran around campus drinking Jack Daniels out of Poland Spring Water bottles. There’s a reason why Hillary is running for President, and Britney Spears is not. One of them knows how to stay away from alcohol and men…
  • NO RE-ENTRY. Like Edwards and Romney have learned, once you leave the party, no one will take you back. Not even in a sloppy-second running-mate sort of way. So once you leave our house, we will not let you back inside. So come, dance, find your love partner, but if you gotta leave, just hope your partner is planning on putting out.

So come to Eclectic’s Hillary Clinton’s Hidden Vagenda Valentine’s Day party. Everyone you know is coming so they can come later on. Don’t miss it. This might be your only chance to address your own hidden vagenda.

Also, Eclectic endorses Barack Obama for President. But that’s neither here nor there. We’re all pretty horny in this steamy political climate, so come fall in love this Saturday night at Eclectic.

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