Howdy there, readers. Though the winners of the WSA Spring 2010 elections have just been posted, I’m sure most of you know, as I do, that those “results” are totally a part of the SYSTEM, man. Instead of letting the CONFORMISTS herd us around like NOT-VERY-INDIE SHEEP, Wesleying once again gives you a roundup of the underground candidates who are gonna FIGHT THE MAN: the write-ins.
The real results are after the jump; we can’t let the freakin’ mainstreamers see the truth. They can’t handle it.
Joint efforts between the classes have produced another round of high finishes for Gregoroweed Jointovitch (aka Giant Joint).
- 13th place finish for 2013 (13 for 13!) with 41 votes.
- For 2012, 3rd place with 53 votes.
- And in the 2011 elections, 3rd once again with 46 votes.
Note that, for both 2011 and 2012, Ganja Jamaica not only finished in the top 5, but rounded up enough votes (more than 25) to officially count as a write-in representative. Now that this whole “enrollment” deal has been rather convincingly handled, it looks like Gene Jean will rise (like a cloud of smoke) to the challenge of balancing the demands of rising juniors and rising seniors. Hooray!
Being the welcoming open forum for informed political discourse we are, we’d also like to recognize some of the other crusaders for justice who made a splash in this year’s elections. Helpful commentary in italics:
- moderate joint (bipartisan!)
- martin fucking benjamin ’57
- psafe can suck my balllls (ballsy!)
- long dong (shafty!)
- okay fine, miles, i’ll write in jigglypuff
- barack husayn obama
- parallel charlie
- girl charlie
- gay charlie
- acne-ridden charlie
- justen beiber please please play at spring fling!! please!!!! justen baby ill do anything, i think your so funny and adorable, your incredibly handsome, precoscious and wise. i think about your but often. (no offence haha. j/k. but not really) oh and my m (excellent use of “haha” as a tension diffuser here.)
- this is idealistic but if anyone in pac lab found a ipod with biscuts n gravy engraved on the back in 14pt helvetica could you pm or email me. email@example.com (the 12pt helvetica-engraved iPod is Michael Roth’s. Leave it there.)
- memorable quotes for street fighter: the legend of chun-li (2009) * m.bison: “you see your father has been the milk of my business. but even milk has an expiration date.”
- black gabe (white Gabe’s kind of a dick.)
- three hookers and an eight ball
- shit we’re gonna be seniors
- landscaper guy
That’s all for this round, folks. Call it trite, but allow me to end with a quote that really speaks to our cause:
“Life is like a box of chocolates. If you leave it out in the sun, it’ll melt, which can be pretty fucking disgusting. Or like fondue, but without the cool fountain thing. So still really not that cool.” -Anonymous