Mytheos to Wes: “You Been Trolled, Bitches”

The title of this post is the headline of an entirely satirical Ampersand piece I wrote a few weeks ago, wherein Mytheos Holt ’10 declares himself “the ultimate troll”  and reveals his entire conservative persona to be “a sick four-year-long joke”:

“You been trolled, bitches!” announced the History and Government double major in a final Mytheology column, entitled Wesleyan Viewed From The LOLZ. “The school is my ACB, and my reCAPTCHA is ‘gullible as fuck.’ What now!”

Minor semantics adjustment aside, it’s also the title of Holt’s final Mytheology column—you know, the real one, in the Argus—and if you’ll permit me one fantasy, I’d like to imagine Holt faithfully included my “bitches” postscript before some squeamish section editor put hir foot down.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave when satire and reality intertwine. Like when my daily Onion calendar bears startling parallels to my actual daily life. Or when I satirically label as satire what is revealed, in some twisted, convoluted way, to be nothing more than satire. Past on Film students will recognize Žižek‘s notion of double-deception: “only man can deceive by feigning to deceive.” But only the Ampersand can do it by accident.

This, then, is to be Holt’s last word, his triumphant, mocking, last-laugh disclosure, in which he sheds bare his self-important ideologue persona and recasts himself a biting satirist in the Jonathan Swift tradition (cliffnotes: Swift suggested eating children to alleviate economic ills; he was trolling; who knew?). Adam already posted the finer points of Holt’s atypical farewell (not to mention Jon Zamboni 10‘s dialectical analysis thereof), and two posts in a row dedicated to the same campus personality, no matter how controversial, surely seems like a bit much.

But as the writer of that fateful Ampersand piece, I felt oddly compelled to respond. Maybe I just wanted to apologize to Holt for blowing his cover a month early, for dulling the thud of his last hurrah. Make no mistake: I had no idea. It was just some shit I came up with while bored in my Biodiversity class.

Or maybe I wanted to apologize, on behalf of the Ampersand, for what Holt terms “a rare moment of clarity.” Make no mistake: clarity’s not our thing at the Ampersand. We apologize for the oversight. It won’t happen again.

But especially—and finally—I’d like to offer Mr. Holt my sincere best in all future trolling endeavors. Go forth and prosper. The world’s your ACB. ReCAPTCHA? “Gullible as fuck.”

16 thoughts on “Mytheos to Wes: “You Been Trolled, Bitches”

  1. So...

    We’re not gullible, and Mytheos is not different enough from his Argus persona to warrant the title of “troll”. The views expressed in Mytheology are common on right wing sites like FreeRepublic and on the Fox News Channel, and their reasoning is no more sound. Believe it or not, even Mr. Holt’s satirical reasoning is accepted at face value by enough people to make it worthy of a response or rebuttal. Additionally, he has invested four years in “exposing” us and has largely only exposed his own limitless arrogance. Congratulations! You got us! We all see the intellectual emptiness of our own views! But the author is dead once the word is published, and your intent doesn’t matter if the effects are heinous. I know you think you’re smarter than the rest of us, but really you just lack enough serious convictions to respond with an emotional commitment to anything at all. You’ll make a fine lawyer.

  2. So...

    We’re not gullible, and Mytheos is not different enough from his Argus persona to warrant the title of “troll”. The views expressed in Mytheology are common on right wing sites like FreeRepublic and on the Fox News Channel, and their reasoning is no more sound. Believe it or not, even Mr. Holt’s satirical reasoning is accepted at face value by enough people to make it worthy of a response or rebuttal. Additionally, he has invested four years in “exposing” us and has largely only exposed his own limitless arrogance. Congratulations! You got us! We all see the intellectual emptiness of our own views! But the author is dead once the word is published, and your intent doesn’t matter if the effects are heinous. I know you think you’re smarter than the rest of us, but really you just lack enough serious convictions to respond with an emotional commitment to anything at all. You’ll make a fine lawyer.

  3. Real Troll

    Trolling is not saying “I represented myself this way and I’m SLIGHTLY different.” Trolling is much more involved and Mytheos is clearly very new to the game or simply slow on the uptake.

    It would be trolling if he was a liberal. It would be trolling if he didn’t give a shit. Trolling is a art. It’s not a term to be thrown around.

  4. Real Troll

    Trolling is not saying “I represented myself this way and I’m SLIGHTLY different.” Trolling is much more involved and Mytheos is clearly very new to the game or simply slow on the uptake.

    It would be trolling if he was a liberal. It would be trolling if he didn’t give a shit. Trolling is a art. It’s not a term to be thrown around.

  5. Mytheos Holt

    No hard feelings, Zach, and thanks for the kind words. You made up for your moment of clarity by making the absurd claim that I was secretly a Democrat. Such a state of affairs will, god willng, never be the case. Also, thank you for supplying the title for this sendoff.

    All my kindest,
    Mytheos

  6. Mytheos Holt

    No hard feelings, Zach, and thanks for the kind words. You made up for your moment of clarity by making the absurd claim that I was secretly a Democrat. Such a state of affairs will, god willng, never be the case. Also, thank you for supplying the title for this sendoff.

    All my kindest,
    Mytheos

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