The Sun Rises on Finals Week: The CaffeineSpice Must Flow

Is anyone “organizing” a primal scream soon?

OP-ED RANT SECTION: Dear University, I realize that you are a metabolism that cannot live without a certain surplus of money flowing through your coffers circulatory systems, and that to this end you have deemed it necessary to rape our pocketbooks by forcing us to buy institute mandatory meal plans so that you can profit by both offering food at far above cost and collecting the value of our unused points. However: I just realized that I face extremely high and, on balance, probably situationally insurmountable hurdles for eating breakfast during this week, my last at this institution. I have no remaining points, and I have neither sufficient money to pay your inflated prices for food nor the time to cook for myself nor the gumption to mission impossible past the profit gargoyles into the bowels of your deeply mediocre dining establishment. May I egotistically humbly suggest on behalf of my peers that you consider offering FREE BREAKFAST DURING FINALS WEEK IN COMPENSATION FOR THERE NOT BEING A REAL READING WEEK ANY LONGER DUE TO YOUR PREVIOUSLY-MENTIONED BENJAMINZ-(GR/N)EED. I would really appreciate it and spend more time and energy focusing on my academic career and less on the gnawing absence in my stomach. kthxpeace

EDIT: Another points-broke senior and I went to Usdan and, not wanting to come to body-blows with some reluctant bouncer over our fauxcash poverty, decided to panhandle food from  passing underclassmen who, we hoped, would have surplus meals. We found several who were willing to help us, who indeed had many leftover meals, but all were completely unable to come to our aid due to a lack of “GUEST MEAL POINTS” —> what kind of faceless,  sustenance-hating six-figure-bureau-lamprey inflicted this stomach-impaling policy upon our younger peers? We sated our bellies with handfuls of saltines and grasshoppers, but our hearts still burn with hunger for the bitter entrails of this heartless wretch.

#FirstWorldProblems

(obviously just jealous of whatshername’s pet flamewar and dreaming that if I shoot for a more institutionally stratospheric den of villainy and conspiratorial evil I will get to make a lot of posts about it and stuff and be cool. don’t judge me.)

51 thoughts on “The Sun Rises on Finals Week: The CaffeineSpice Must Flow

  1. Anon

    Ok, so maybe I didn’t budget well. So sue me. It’s still awful that they don’t allow students to share their unused meals with other students, that is undeniably selfish and money-grubbing. Whats the rational there? None of you holier-than-thou budgeters would have to pay for anything if they let that happen, and then they wouldn’t have to charge everyone preemptively for the extra theft that occurs in the absence of such a “spread the love” policy. I have friends with 60+ meals left: these meals have been paid for, and Usdan supposedly is prepared to provide food for every meal purchased. So why not allow students to give meal points to whomever they chose?

  2. Anon

    Ok, so maybe I didn’t budget well. So sue me. It’s still awful that they don’t allow students to share their unused meals with other students, that is undeniably selfish and money-grubbing. Whats the rational there? None of you holier-than-thou budgeters would have to pay for anything if they let that happen, and then they wouldn’t have to charge everyone preemptively for the extra theft that occurs in the absence of such a “spread the love” policy. I have friends with 60+ meals left: these meals have been paid for, and Usdan supposedly is prepared to provide food for every meal purchased. So why not allow students to give meal points to whomever they chose?

  3. anon

    This is embarrassing. Nobody needs to hear the sob stories. As an athlete who eats a lot, I have never had trouble. Not Freshman or Sophomore year with points and meals, not Junior year with all points. You don’t need that $5 Kombucha, you don’t need that bag of candy. In the real world when you can’t afford something you don’t buy it. Why is it that you think you should get a bailout. You’re hungry-that sucks. Be grateful you have a student body to bitch to instead of the cold real world. You should be embarrassed.

  4. anon

    This is embarrassing. Nobody needs to hear the sob stories. As an athlete who eats a lot, I have never had trouble. Not Freshman or Sophomore year with points and meals, not Junior year with all points. You don’t need that $5 Kombucha, you don’t need that bag of candy. In the real world when you can’t afford something you don’t buy it. Why is it that you think you should get a bailout. You’re hungry-that sucks. Be grateful you have a student body to bitch to instead of the cold real world. You should be embarrassed.

  5. a

    Are you n00b commenters serious? Budgeting Monopoly money? Have you played this game? If you want a taste of the “real world” get off-campus housing and get excused from the meal plan and then try budgeting. Oh wait, you can’t. Unless you fake marriage or severe allergies. No real world for us single omnivores. Shit’s fucked and I too am hungry.

  6. a

    Are you n00b commenters serious? Budgeting Monopoly money? Have you played this game? If you want a taste of the “real world” get off-campus housing and get excused from the meal plan and then try budgeting. Oh wait, you can’t. Unless you fake marriage or severe allergies. No real world for us single omnivores. Shit’s fucked and I too am hungry.

  7. anon

    Yeah, I have little to no sympathy. Learn to budget and stop complaining about every little thing that the University doesn’t hold your hand through.

  8. anon

    Yeah, I have little to no sympathy. Learn to budget and stop complaining about every little thing that the University doesn’t hold your hand through.

  9. anon

    Agreed with #9 and 10.

    – Senior who had to work hard to spend an excess of 800 points over the past two weeks

  10. anon

    Agreed with #9 and 10.

    – Senior who had to work hard to spend an excess of 800 points over the past two weeks

  11. anony

    just want to say, i’ve loved all the dune references that have popped up on wesleyan webzones this semester. so random, so great

  12. anony

    just want to say, i’ve loved all the dune references that have popped up on wesleyan webzones this semester. so random, so great

  13. anon

    @13

    Also, you can buy cereal and milk in WesShop and make that a breakfast, instead of wasting a whole meal on one. A box of cereal and a gallon of milk should last you for at least a week.

  14. anon

    @13

    Also, you can buy cereal and milk in WesShop and make that a breakfast, instead of wasting a whole meal on one. A box of cereal and a gallon of milk should last you for at least a week.

  15. anon

    @ 13

    you can always take things from the dining hall, you know. you don’t have to stuff yourself silly at each meal, just plan ahead and take fruits, take bread, take lunch meats. i’m also a sophomore and i have 35 meals left. i planned it out well. as a sophomore, you do have a kitchen. it’s not your own personal kitchen but not having a kitchen is not an excuse.

  16. anon

    @ 13

    you can always take things from the dining hall, you know. you don’t have to stuff yourself silly at each meal, just plan ahead and take fruits, take bread, take lunch meats. i’m also a sophomore and i have 35 meals left. i planned it out well. as a sophomore, you do have a kitchen. it’s not your own personal kitchen but not having a kitchen is not an excuse.

  17. Hungry

    I feel as if those who have meals left are the ones who do not eat at the dining hall everyday and have no trouble going off campus to buy dinner. I eat two meals a day, sometimes I get a snack, like once a week, I am pretty much out of meals and will probably have to buy food, I can’t afford to buy food, normal humans eat three meals a day. It is even recommended if you are a big person who builds muscle, as most athletes are that you should eat more often. As a sophomore I have no kitchen, and must eat what they give me. I stuff myself silly twice a day so as not to have stomach aches before going to sleep. I would like a few, (10?) more meals so I can at least suffer in peace.

  18. Hungry

    I feel as if those who have meals left are the ones who do not eat at the dining hall everyday and have no trouble going off campus to buy dinner. I eat two meals a day, sometimes I get a snack, like once a week, I am pretty much out of meals and will probably have to buy food, I can’t afford to buy food, normal humans eat three meals a day. It is even recommended if you are a big person who builds muscle, as most athletes are that you should eat more often. As a sophomore I have no kitchen, and must eat what they give me. I stuff myself silly twice a day so as not to have stomach aches before going to sleep. I would like a few, (10?) more meals so I can at least suffer in peace.

  19. anonn

    I’ll agree with #10. There are plenty of people who were able to budget their points/meals correctly from the beginning of the semester. You knew how many points/meals you were given at the beginning of the year and how many days there were in the semester. It isn’t hard math.
    I’ve heard people complain that Wesleyan is nothing like the real world, yet here is a real-world skill (budgeting) that we will all need to have. Why not practice now before it’s with real money? When you don’t have enough money at the end of the month for food after you graduate are you going to go complain to your boss that you can’t eat and they need to give you more money???? I hope not. Face the consequences of your spending, stop blaming it on the university.

  20. anonn

    I’ll agree with #10. There are plenty of people who were able to budget their points/meals correctly from the beginning of the semester. You knew how many points/meals you were given at the beginning of the year and how many days there were in the semester. It isn’t hard math.
    I’ve heard people complain that Wesleyan is nothing like the real world, yet here is a real-world skill (budgeting) that we will all need to have. Why not practice now before it’s with real money? When you don’t have enough money at the end of the month for food after you graduate are you going to go complain to your boss that you can’t eat and they need to give you more money???? I hope not. Face the consequences of your spending, stop blaming it on the university.

  21. whatshername

    Oh, Braille, I’m sooo digging your formatting right now.

    Also, I think the only way to solve this is to go on “strike” and fail all our finals! Who’s with me?!

  22. whatshername

    Oh, Braille, I’m sooo digging your formatting right now.

    Also, I think the only way to solve this is to go on “strike” and fail all our finals! Who’s with me?!

  23. anon

    So you want free meals?

    On whose dime? Not mine. Many people are able to budget their points/meals just fine, what’s wrong with you.

    ccc brings up the correct point that you should be able to give meals to friends. But either way you’re still a moocher.

  24. anon

    So you want free meals?

    On whose dime? Not mine. Many people are able to budget their points/meals just fine, what’s wrong with you.

    ccc brings up the correct point that you should be able to give meals to friends. But either way you’re still a moocher.

  25. ccc

    what i really don’t understand is how they can justify turning away hungry students when there are so many who have more than enough meals left over, already paid for, that they will never use.
    For example, I have paid for 46 meals. obviously I will not be able to use those in less than a week but i can’t even help out my friends who don’t have any left. Even if the food was fabulous and correctly priced, they would still have every meal paid for.

  26. ccc

    what i really don’t understand is how they can justify turning away hungry students when there are so many who have more than enough meals left over, already paid for, that they will never use.
    For example, I have paid for 46 meals. obviously I will not be able to use those in less than a week but i can’t even help out my friends who don’t have any left. Even if the food was fabulous and correctly priced, they would still have every meal paid for.

  27. President Michael Roth

    Forcible undernourishment is institutional policy during finals week. If we, the administration, cannot control the difficulty of finals, we can, at the very least, ensure that your exams occur over a sufficiently short period, and are accompanied by a stark lack of food. Such measures are necessary to ensure that all Wesleyan graduates share in the experience of finals-week suffering. Research suggests that the presence of finals-week suffering is both correlated with later occupational success, and useful in justifying post-finals celebration.

  28. President Michael Roth

    Forcible undernourishment is institutional policy during finals week. If we, the administration, cannot control the difficulty of finals, we can, at the very least, ensure that your exams occur over a sufficiently short period, and are accompanied by a stark lack of food. Such measures are necessary to ensure that all Wesleyan graduates share in the experience of finals-week suffering. Research suggests that the presence of finals-week suffering is both correlated with later occupational success, and useful in justifying post-finals celebration.

  29. mad dog

    what else would weshop do? they keep produce in stock basically to the end, but it wouldn’t make any sense to keep the whole place stocked tot he end, then shut down for the summer, thusly losing thousands and thousands of dollars on the things that don’t keep. i agree it’s bullshit not to have enough points, but those of you with excess points can still go spend them before they do sell out of most shit.

  30. mad dog

    what else would weshop do? they keep produce in stock basically to the end, but it wouldn’t make any sense to keep the whole place stocked tot he end, then shut down for the summer, thusly losing thousands and thousands of dollars on the things that don’t keep. i agree it’s bullshit not to have enough points, but those of you with excess points can still go spend them before they do sell out of most shit.

  31. anonymous

    it’s bullshit how wesleyan also stops stocking weshop well before finals end… meaning that those of us who still have points left are unable to use them. and that our minds are not functioning at full capacity because we are forcibly under-nourished.

  32. anonymous

    it’s bullshit how wesleyan also stops stocking weshop well before finals end… meaning that those of us who still have points left are unable to use them. and that our minds are not functioning at full capacity because we are forcibly under-nourished.

  33. n

    It’s really not funny to use the word rape in a joking context ever. It’s not ok. It’s not a joke.
    And it is clearly not taken seriously enough on this campus, partially because members of this community continue to joke about it. Stop.

  34. n

    It’s really not funny to use the word rape in a joking context ever. It’s not ok. It’s not a joke.
    And it is clearly not taken seriously enough on this campus, partially because members of this community continue to joke about it. Stop.

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