- The Onion: First Night of Freedom Spent Alone In Dorm Room:
Unhindered by a curfew and free from parental oversight, freshman Phil Melton, 18, spent his first night of independence Saturday inside his Pennsylvania State University dorm room and was asleep by 11:45 p.m.
“College is going to be awesome,” Melton said moments after threading the wires of his computer speakers through the hole in his new desk and sending a message from his personal e-mail account to his school e-mail “just to make sure” the new address was active. . . .