Top Ten Freshmen First-Week Facebook Statuses

Given Wes students’ seeming general ambivalence towards Twitter (you mean you don’t Tweet  your hall’s daily adventures traveling through time, space, and residential life?), there’s nothing like a 200-character Facebook status to sum up the excitement, anxiety, and—okay—semi-obligatory gender-bending that accompanies a freshman’s introduction to Wes.

From our arch-rivals dear friends over at Brown’s Blog Daily Herald comes a helpful little Freshman Guide to Facebook at Brown, complete with helpful guidelines on friending (“I know you thought you were too cool to request friends in high school, but if that special someone from Fish Co means enough to you, you can swallow your pride and hit that ‘Add as Friend’ button.”), statusing (“not for letting your friends know how you just did your “first _______” ever at college.”), and more. It also includes, almost as an afterthought, a rundown of amusing Facebook statuses from freshmen from the week at Brown. Without further adieu, the Wes edition:

THE TOP TEN FRESHMEN FIRST-WEEK FACEBOOK STATUSES:

Honorable mention: apples to apples is always a better alternative than drinking ;)

10) Sat on a hill today TRUE STORY

9) So the other dorms may have air conditioning, two rooms, balconies, and/or halls that are conducive to socializing, but Butt C has new paper towel dispensers in the bathrooms. SUCK IT.

8 ) so the adjustment period is basically a collegiate version of the money tree from neopets.

7) Bagels and lox from home? Check. Interesting classes? Check. Great Professors? Check. Intelligent people who also happen to be nice? College rocks.

6) drum circle then gender bending!

5) First night out as a college boy. 8-0 at Psi U. I can tell I’m gonna like this place.

4) japanese tribal dances, streaking boys, and crossdressing. typical wes night ?

3) I wanna go to college for the rest of my fukin life! I’m in a DILEMMA!!!

2) COLLEGE IS EVERYTHING I’VE EVER IMAGINED AND MUCH MUCH MORE. TUMBLR EXPLANATION TO FOLLOW

1) that heated debate about world hunger made me really hungry

Thanks for the material, frosh. If your high school friends didn’t already think Wesleyan is utterly insane, they do now. You can set your profiles to private now.