…my god. What’s happening to us? They’re everywhere.
They’re in your classes, eyeing the back of your head, lusting for the contents. They’re waiting outside Usdan, hoping to sate their endless hunger after you’ve handled yours. They’re on Foss Hill, slowly dissolving in the sunlight. (I wish.) They’re in the Butthole. They’re your hallmates. They’re you’re freaking RAs, people.
They’re in Sci Li, at the study table next to you, because…because…
…because the best brains are in the library.
I heard the first one was an alumni who still hangs around the school. Mikey Ruth ’78 or something. No one knows how it got here. No one knows if it will ever end. We only know suffering.
Humanity seems cornered. The forecast becomes increasingly dark and grim with each day.
Yes, I know it’s sunny for the first time all week. Shut up.
We have to unite. Wesleyan, the human race must take a final stand here and now against–holy shit. What was that sound?
There’s only one person who can possibly help us. A savior to bring us into the light. In the darkness, a burning candle. Jack, if you’re out there, please, we nee