Newsflash: It’s a holiday!

This is what people probably think Wesleyan looks like, like politically correct queers.

So it’s around noon and those caffeine pills are just now starting to kick in after poppin’ some as breakfast this morning.  It’s okay, we all really should have started our papers due at 9AM today before midnight yesterday.  It happens.

Now check your calendar.  Yeah, it’s a very important day.  Your Wesleyan calendars will tell you loud and proud: OFFICE OF ADMISSION OCTOBER OPEN HOUSE!!!  Now you better be on your best behavior.  Bleed red and black before you go outside, and then become the hybrid car (that contemplates infinity) that you know you are.

If, for some godforsaken reason, you’ve interacted somehow with someone outside the Wesleyan bubble, you might realize why there’s an Admissions Open House today.  It’s Columbus Day!  He may or may not have discovered the Americas, exploited and enslaved peoples, committed genocide, and spread disease, but it’s still essentially a national holiday.  Across the nation people are pretending to sleep in because they’re not at work or school.  Where’s our day off dammit?

Also, isn’t it National Coming Out Day? Where are the provocative messages chalked into the ground for prefrosh parents to run away from?

Admission’s Open Houses are important.  Just don’t forget there’s a whole world out there.

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3 thoughts on “Newsflash: It’s a holiday!

  1. Ayn Rand

    Here’s a better rewrite of Columbus’s accomplishments: He discovered the Americas, brought communism to its peoples, practiced radical methods of population control, and increased the power of natural selection.

    1. Christina

      He should be recognized, but NOT have a national holiday in his honor. Regardless of “good” he has done, he is a murderer and exploiter.

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