Your only solace? Weshop runs. Stalking the cheese fridge. Defacing the suggestion board. Rumbling through the candy bins. Seeking nutrients, fuel, nourishment, control.
We at Wesleying are not above procrastination. That’s why I’ve compiled a brief list of some recommended Weshop items that never get the recognition they deserve, perfect for midterm-cramming-nourishment. Ch-ch-check it out.
1) Red Wax (May-Bud) Gouda: Turns out you don’t need a cheese slicer to attack some good Gouda. Still, you have to work for the reward: peeling away the wax confers a strong sense of accomplishment and self-worth that’s good for the soul. Sort of like actually starting that Anthro paper due tomorrow morning. Note that in some faraway cheese markets (read: not Weshop), Gouda is sold in magical golden wheels. Note that these wheels of cheese remind me that Weshop also just got some brie in stock today. Don’t wait. Act now. Limited time guarantee.
2) Stroopwafels: For real, skip WesWings tonight. I found a better way to blow through all your points halfway through the semester. It rhymes with “Goopnafels.” Stroopwafels originated in the Netherlands, originally made from bakery leftovers. They basically taste like a cross between waffles and heroin, “sweeter than a plate of yams with extra s’rup.” Enjoy responsibly, and know that there’s an Association of Stroopwafel Addicts. This dude‘s probably a member.
3) Pickles: Yes, Weshop totally sells pickles. Kosher and otherwise. No, you’re not that weird if you have a jar of pickles in your dorm room. After all, they’re a great source of vitamin K. Here’s your pickle trivia of the day: “In New York terminology, a “full-sour” kosher dill is one that has fully fermented, while a “half-sour,” given a shorter stay in the brine, is still crisp and bright green. Elsewhere, these pickles may sometimes be termed “old’ and “new” dills.”
4) Abraham’s Hummos: Skip that Sabra brand nonsense—underdog Abraham’s is where it’s at (two turntables and a microphone), with an engaging variety of flavors to suit every personality. Perfect with Stacey’s pita chips as a quick study snack. Traditional Style is a solid bet. Hot and Spicy lives up to its name. Did you know hummus consumption in the United States recently increased by 35% over a period of 21 months? I love Wikipedia.