First of all, check out the video below. If you’re in a more musical mood, this song will suffice, with this diagram as a helpful reference point.
Anyway. It’s December 7. We’ve spent a week collecting beard photo submissions from you and your filthy glorious fur-faced friends—analyzing the stubble, measuring shape and form, processing color. We’ve received neck beards (“neards”) and porn ‘staches, full beards and adolescent stubble, blond beards and black beards. Every hair follicle counts. There are, to be certain, some exquisite WesBeards going on at this school—and no, they’re not all consigned to the month of November. Bravo, Wesleyan. You did good.
Without further adieu, here’s our long promised No-Shave Roundup: a photo survey of some of this campus’s finest Novembeards. Below is a quick photo slideshow, but click past the jump for more detail on some of the beards included in this post. And thank you, again, to all the lovely submitters.
- Name: Locke Alexander ’14
- Award: Bushiest Beard
- Notes: Strangely enough, our award for bushiest beard goes to one of only two freshmen submitters. Thankfully, Locke’s beard is intense enough to compensate for pretty much the rest of 2014. Extra badass points for the Reservoir Dogs poster in the background. Locke may (or may not) have been named after John Locke, but given the formidable state of affairs on his face, I tend to think Socrates would have been a more appropriate philosophical namesake.
- Name: Adam Rotstein ’13
- Award: Best “Neard”
- Notes: Adam writes: “Do neck beards (neards) count? This is all I can grow, but I have been trying really hard to be a part of this.” Yes, Adam, of course neck beards count. Conveniently, yours is the best one we received.
- Name: Anonymous ’13
- Award: Best Facial Expression
- Notes: What this student lacks in beard depth is more than compensated for with a glare that simply screams No I Will Not Shave In November, You Fuckin’ Fascists. Keep sticking it to the man.
- Name: Andrew Pfeiffer ’13
- Award: Blondest Beard
- Notes: Lighter-colored beards are sometimes unfairly neglected in No-Shave season, if only because they’re slightly more difficult to spot. Pfeif’s is more than sufficient; in fact, he may even resemble a young Harry Nilsson. Consider this a close second for best facial expression.
- Name: Anonymous ’12
- Award: Happiest Beard
- Notes: To me, the thumbs up seems to signify: “I have a wholesome, well-formed beard, and I’m not afraid to flaunt it. I am confident and assertive in my facial hair. November has treated me well.” Thanks for the submission.
- Name: Anonymous ’13
- Award: Best First-Time Beard
- Notes: Strange but true: this student had never rocked the full beard before last month. At the start of November, he was fiercely reluctant. By December, he had decided to keep it. Great success.
- Name: Sam Barth ’13
- Award: Most Lincoln-esque Beard
- Notes: Sam also wins the award for best beard documentarian. Last year he made a Facebook album charting “The Evolution of my Face.” This year he submitted a before shot (see slideshow above) in addition to the bearded after shot, as well as a few hilarious group shaving shots in Westco.
- Name: Solomon Billinkoff ’14
- Award: Classiest Beard
- Notes: Solomon’s beard totally matches his short haircut. He looks determined and purposeful. Even the pinkish photo hue can’t mess with this fierce enactment of grim masculinity.