In our rush to publish WSA candidates’ statements, we seem to have missed acknowledgment of one of the generation’s most potent political movements. This is an egregious error, and we apologize. Thankfully, a true model citizen among us—John Ryan ’14—has taken it upon himself to speak on Giant Joint’s behalf. Full statement after the jump. I’ve decided to preserve Joint’s original preferred, unorthodox formatting because, you know, why not? Vote here, and please, for the love of God, if you’re voting for Giant J Joint, be consistent this time.
I, Giant Joint, plan to take this institution of elevated academics to an even higher position. I don’t mean to be blunt, but we need to take care of some serious cannibusiness. I know finals are capable of throwing us into the grinder, but if everybody gets the vote out and I am elected, I promise to get rid of everybody’s problems for at least an hour or two. Here are some great facts to enlighten your confidence in my joint abilities.
1. The Declaration of Independence was printed on hemp paper. T. Jeff knew what was up.
2. Hemp is one of the most useful and durable substances known to man but it is illegal to grow in the United States.
3. Ted Turner smokes one of me once a day.
4. This guy.
So there you go, this is the official campaign statement from Giant Joint. Good luck on finals, talk to me if you get stressed out.