WesComplaints Roundup: Week One

WesComplaints—Wesleyan’s bitchiest student forum (excepting, perhaps, Martin Benjamin ’57 Wespeaks and anonymous Wesleying comments)—has officially been in business a week, ever since A-Batte dropped a link to Smithies’ Complaints and a fast-acting Wes tumblrer (is this a noun yet?) followed suit.

Here are the Top Ten WesComplaints from its first week online. I expect tomorrow’s impending Ice Storm of Doom (click me!) will inspire a healthy bitching resurgence; remember to submit your own complaints here.

1. “IT IS MY RIGHT – CONFERRED ON ME BY MY PARENTS’ MONEY PAYING MY TUITION – TO DEMONSTRATIVELY IGNORE THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES AND TO LAUGH IN THE FACE OF ALL THE POOR PEOPLE ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WHO END UP IN JAIL FOR DRUG RELATED OFFENSES. I AM SO UNIQUE I AM GOING TO GO COMPOSE AN INTERPRETIVE DANCE PEACE SET TO THE RECORDED SOUND OF MY TRANSGENDER PARTNER’S ORGASMS ON GARAGEBAND. (guest complaint by ACB)”
2. “Fuck you ResLife, I’ll build an igloo if I fucking want to.”
3. “Having a tough time finding an internship that will pay me to come up with gimmick twitter accounts.”
4. “There aren’t enough entries on here to fulfill my procrastination quota.”
5. “Had to dip into my weed fund to sustain my falafel habit.”
6. “Too hungover to attend Social Justice Leadership Conference.”
7. “No one realizes that I’m on my laptop in Usdan because I’m busy and important.”
8. “24/7 Middletown sirens are really hampering my ability to appreciate John Cage.”
9. “Nobody appreciated my experimental music final, because I did it alone in my room.”
10. “Not sure how to fit in ‘Excellent ability to explain how anything is a social construction’ onto my resume.”