“I just don’t wanna celebrate a bullshit holiday. I’m plenty romantic. I own a home and have never shit my pants. Two things you can’t say.” —ShitMyDadSays
Happy Monday, kids. Things are happening in the world!
—1. HOLY FUCKING SHIT RADIOHEAD WHAT: I groggily stumbled upon a friend’s Facebook status while getting dressed at 10:46 this morning for an 11:00 a.m. class. The status in full:
Subsequently: (1) flipped out; (2) sped like mad to P4K’s top headline (guess what “Scott Plagenhoef” was doing at 6:45 this morning!); (3) skimmed article in 9-12 seconds; (4) threw link on brother’s FB wall, accompanied by caption “WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK”; (4) made it to class on time. You can read details about the world’s first “Newspaper Album,” which will be available for digital pre-order download on Saturday, here. The main takeaway: “Once again, we all know exactly when we’re first able to hear a new Radiohead record and therefore will largely all experience it together, something almost completely lost in today’s pop music landscape.” At a school like Wesleyan, where everyone and their mother worships Radiohead (“what do you mean, skewed sample fallacy?”), Plagenhoef is especially on point.
—2. Beta-Gate Continues: Wesleyan sent out an all-campus email this morning announcing a revision of its residency policy. The crux:
beginning Fall 2011, Wesleyan students will be prohibited from residing in—or using for social activities—houses or property owned, leased or operated by private societies that are not recognized by the University.
WHOAH. Questions that should come to mind: Why now? (And could it be a response to DKE’s sarcastic Wespeak inviting Beta to re-associate with the university—effectively taking the brunt of the university’s restrictive housing policy?) Will Beta finally sign the university housing contract? How is this enforceable, considering Beta brothers are all assigned on-campus housing anyway? WTF.
—3. OMG ED II DECISIONS TIME TO FREAK OUT: It’s 2:52 p.m. as I hit “Publish.” By the time you read this, the Wesleyan 2015 prefrosh community will probably have effectively doubled. This is titillating! From the admissions page:
Applicants to Wesleyan are encouraged to participate in our online notification. For Early Decision 2 applicants the online decision page will be available this year from 3:00 pm EST Monday, February 14th through 5:00 pm EST Monday, February 21st.
If you know any ED applicants, now’s the time to wish them luck in both college admissions and personal sanity. Be sure to use college admissions buzzwords like “crapshoot,” “totally random,” “100% random crapshoot,” and “everything works out in the end, even after the totally 100% random crapshoot fucks you over.” They’ll appreciate it
—4. Some Canadian band won some award at some ceremony somewhere: No, jumping on the Arcade Fire hype train six years late doesn’t make the Grammy’s suddenly and miraculously relevant. It just means, you know, they’re being the Grammy’s. That said, you should still check out my new favorite magnificently douchey Tumblr: “Who Is Arcade Fire???!!?” What you will find at whoisarcadefire.tumbl.com is a collection of tweets and statuses from disgruntled Grammy-viewers who demand to know Who Is The Arcade Fire and Why Are They Winning Grammy’s:
Repeat for emphasis: PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW WHO THE ARCADE FIRE IS AND POSSIBLY THINK THE SUBURBS IS A BAND NAME:
—5.Wesleyan experienced a 6.07% decline in applications: See number four on the HuffPost’s list of schools that experienced a decline. The Argus reported a 5.5% decrease from last year—why this discrepancy? According to Senior Associate Dean Gregory Pyke, “the decrease in applicants could be the result of a variety of factors such as the recession or more students deciding that Wesleyan is too selective.” Feel free to speculate further in the comments section. Cuz, y’know—you don’t have anything better to do than stalk Wesleying on Valentine’s Day.