It’s been a few days since April Fools’ Day, but if you haven’t seen President Roth’s prank blog post, you should read it. Inspired by the ongoing internet debate that culminated in an announcement from the WSA promising faster internet, Roth posted a blog post under the title “Let’s Reduce the Bandwidth and Read More!” Click past the jump for the full text of the post.
The Wesleyan Student Assembly seems to have no idea of what to do with its enormous surplus, and so its leaders have offered the money to the administration for co-curricular programs. Starting immediately, the funds from the Student Activity Fund will be devoted to buying texts for book clubs, and we will organize weekend discussion sessions in all the residence halls. I am happy to announce that the Greek Societies have stepped forward to create special late night book clubs on memoir, autobiography and quest narratives.
In order to encourage more reading at Wesleyan, I have directed Technology Services to cut the bandwidth to the university by 66%. Many students have complained about the slow internet speeds at Wesleyan because they want to watch videos and other forms of popular entertainment. Grow up! We are an educational institution! I have decided to cut the wireless to all dorms after 10 pm, and we will reduce the pipeline to the internet.
Students are encouraged to send their ideas for reading groups to their WSA representatives. Close your computers and unite around books, you have nothing to lose but your chains.
Be sure to check out the comments for a few amusing reactions. Also, is Roth’s statement about “reducing the pipeline to the internet” a reference to the late Senator Ted Stevens and his tubes theory? I’ll leave it to you to decide: