Princeton Student Attempts to Troll Student Election, Fails

Speaking of WSA election season (yes, it’s too late to vote), check out this Princeton application for 2012 Class Secretary, which the Princeton University Press Club has declared the “Best Student Government Application EVER!” Princeton’s UPC has perhaps never visited Wesleyan, where trolling a WSA election is as common as reading Kant or getting naked in Olin.

Still, this anonymous student’s application (IvyGate has decided on the pseudonym “Steve Holt,” which provides an amusing coincidence for Wesleyan) offers a few laughs, most notably in Holt’s ideas for how to make class government “unforgettable”:

  • Build a giant straw man effigy of Dean Malkiel on Poe Field. Place Dean Malkiel inside and burn said straw man to the ground in a sacrifice to the GPA Gods, so that we might be blessed with our pre-grade deflation GPAs.
  • Reinstate the nude olympics. And by “nude” I mean naked and covered in fluffer nutter and by “olympics” I mean a tribalistic orgy of trance-inducing chanting charged with a shamanistic flow of hallucinogen-fueled energy, taking place in Tilghman’s office.

…as well as hir slightly more cynical reasons for running:

I hope through the extended mass emailing privileges of class government to instigate even more contention between class officers and the incompetent body known as the USG. Dominic Pugliese has done an excellent opening shot, but I believe the vitriol needs to go even further. Why stop at mere pronouncements of the USG’s ineptitude? Personal attacks on members have always proven effective – merely look at the current political climate! Outright lying is the norm of modern American politics – who cares if Yaroshefsky isn’t actually the love child of a midget and a capybara?

Read the whole “Best Student Government Application EVER!” here, or don’t. It’s May, and it’s beautiful out. Do yr wrk.


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