P-Safe Posts Tour de Franz “Awareness” Log

Wondering what P-Safe was up to while you were _________ [choose one: chugging boxed wine up and down College Row/innocently watching your friends chug boxed wine up and down College Row/in Olin, futilely attempting to write a paper on the “Marxist Roots of Postmodern Homoerotic Mysticism and the Feminine Form in St. Augustine’s Confessions” while hearing loud freshman chug boxed wine up and down college row]?

Now it’s public: P-Safe has just published last Saturday’s “Public Safety Awareness Report” on its online bulletin board, which is basically what you’d expect it to look like. (Tricky: look under “SUNDAY 5/8/11”; most of the action happened past midnight—for you, and for P-Safe.) No word on whether or not we actually surpassed last year’s record nine hospital visits (anonymous claims 11, but provides no source)—this log mentions five, but only takes us up to 2:27 a.m. (Also no mention of videotaping streakers or final Fountain Ave. blowout.)

Check it:

PUBLIC SAFETY AWARENESS REPORT

SUNDAY 5/8/11

12:18am Loud Noise-Butterfield

12:20am Disorderly Conduct- High St
PS responded to a report of bottles being thrown into the street

1:00am Medical- Cross St
PS responded to a report of an injured student who was transported to the ER

1:14am Vandalism- Wyllys Ave
PS observed damage to an exterior door, it was later reported that several items had been stolen

1:24am Vandalism- Church St
PS observed damage to an exterior door

1:28am Vandalism-Foss Hill Dr
A student wrote graffiti on PS vehicles

1:38am Vandalism-Lawn Ave
Several students damaged a PS vehicle by jumping on it

1:39am Medical- Fountain Ave
PS observed an intoxicated student who was transported to the ER

1:48am Medical-Butterfield
PS responded to a report of an intoxicated student who was transported to the ER

1:55am Fire Alarm- Fountain Ave-Accidental activation

1:57am Vandalism-Butterfield
PS observed damage to an exterior window

2:02am Medical-Foss hill
PS responded to a report of an intoxicated student who was transported to the ER

2:27am Medical-Foss Hill
PS responded to a report of an intoxicated student who was transported to the ER

2:27am Medical-Foss Hill
PS responded to a report of an intoxicated student who refused medical assistance