The moment we’ve all been waiting for is here. The new 2012 Princeton Review College Rankings are out! So wipe away those tears of joy, and actually take a look at the ratings. You’re probably wondering what we ranked as this year. Maybe #15 Reefer Madness and #11 Least Religious Students like we did in 2009? How about #13 Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians and #16 Least Religious Students like in 2010? At least #10 Best College Library and #19 Best College Theater like in 2011, right?
Wrong. We’re not reefer-mad, politically active liberal vegetarians with awesome acting skills in a luxurious library anymore. We’re not any one of those things. Wesleyan did not rank in the top 20 in any of these categories we performed so well in previously, but we do have a new honor. We can thank Middletown for this one, because Wesleyan is now…
Those freaking townies, they finally did something good for Wesleyan! Next time you walk down the street and pass one, thank hir before you make that “ugh, annoying idiot” face and walk away with your chin up. If you want solace for not being a cool clove-smoker though, read last year’s post full of denials, and then:
- Smoke cloves while hugging trees while wearing Birkenstocks
- Forget to go the synagogue for once
- Vote Giant Joint in the Republican Presidential Primaries
- Go to a Democracy Matters meeting
- Don’t be Mytheos (dear Class of 2015, learn the reference)
- Go to the library (clothes optional)
- Create alternatives to Blipdar
- Drop some gender-neutral pronouns in quotidian conversation
- Act like you don’t care about any of this
As with last year, maybe the Princeton Review rankings are worthless and don’t matter, but Keep Wes Weird!