Wesleyan Unofficial Reentry One-Shot: Upgrades, Side-grades, and New Stuff in General

Welcome back, my home-skillets and jingle-berries. This is your main man frostedmoose, and I have found out that it is my duty (or so it became my duty after Zach and A-Batte threatened to jingle my berries) to provide a somewhat but not really anywhere close to comprehensive list of new spiffy stuff on campus.

So here I present to you my

ARBITRARY LIST OF ARBITRARY NEW THINGS THAT I ARBITRARILY SAW WHEN I ARBITRARILY WALKED AROUND

Oh, and this will be helpful to the froshies reading this too.

Click on to read, my sugar muffins.

1. WestCo Courtyard – Dug up, mulched, and ready for some flowering. (Flower with us?)

A rudimentary stroll past the semi-circular mindfuck of a lawn spot known as the WestCo Courtyard would provoke even the most oblivious of spectators as to the current condition of the landscape. With piles of dirt everywhere and yellow rope cordoning off the site that annually celebrates the non-life of Señor Zonker Harris, its facade at this moment echoes Tom Hank’s Normandy Beach a la Saving Private Ryan.

But there is a point to this madness. WildWES (pictured below), a student collaborative pressing for sustainable landscaping most sexy, spent much of the summer developing the site’s foundations in order to inject the beginnings of rich, healthy, and lasting flora and fauna to this otherwise squirrel-infested campus. (For more information, click here and here. Want to contribute? Check out the student-run course this semester.)

Picture courtesy of Wesleyan Connection

… and stop complaining about the trees. They were diseased, and had to be cut. Don’t make me go Ron Jeremy on you.

2. Weshop – Following extensive plastic surgery, now features lopsided cashier counters. Also, meals?

I don’t know about you, but before this semester whenever I walked into Weshop I’ve always felt that it had something of a local corner-store feel with a little bodega flavor along with all forms of granola. Now, with its numerous additions of new super-lit-up iceboxes and subtle readjustments of the walkway flow, it vaguely echoes the atmosphere of such futuristic Arnold Schwarzenegger thrillers like Total Recall and The 6th Day.

Also, one of the counters is now separated from the others in a somewhat perpendicular fashion, prompting many a Weshop employee to adopt the facial expression of “Yeah, I know.”

And you should also really check out that email sent out recently by the Dining Services. You can now get self-created meal bundles for a meal swipe during Weekday Lunches! Quoting the email:

WesShop will now have a meal equivalency menu during the lunch period, Monday through Friday 11:30am-2pm.  There will be a limited menu from which you may choose items and use a meal swipe to pay!

3. Other miscellaneous food info – Summerfields Strikes Back, Usdan Clamps Down

Again, you should really check out that dining email. But maybe not, because I’m totally gonna ctrl+C and ctrl-V that shit up in here.

Summerfields is getting some amazing additions!

Summerfields dinner hours have shifted to 5:30pm-9pm. We hope this allows students who have late afternoon activities the opportunity to still have a sit down meal using their meal plan. (Though, Ussie remains at 5pm-8pm for dinner).

Summerfields is introducing an expanded menu that now includes “Taqueria”. Grab a new menu and check it out! (Burritooooooooooooo!)

Summerfields will also be starting a new text order program for the new Taqueria menu.  Text your Taqueria order to 860-759-9700, receive an order number and go to the express pick up to pay without waiting in line! (Wait, what?)

This might not seem like much to the new kids, but let me tell ya, this is pretty impressive stuff by Summerfields’ standards. (Not being a hater or anything)

On the Usdan side,

Late Night in Usdan hours will now run from 9:30pm – 1am. Last call will be at 12:45am; the cash register closes at 1am. This allows the chefs time to cook your food to order and still allow you time to relax and enjoy your food in Usdan before the building closes at 2am. (Late night doesn’t have to be the end of the night – I just want to put it out there)

On Wednesdays at from 11:30am – 2pm, Bon Appétit will have a grill menu outside of Usdan on the terrace.  Points, cash and meal swipe can be used to purchase.  This option will be offered during the warmer months, weather permitting. (WTFBBQ?)

4. Usdan – Featuring new shag carpets, mail getting thingy system, and stuff in general

Pictured: Usdan lobby in the background.

As part of the push to legitimize Usdan as an actual place for people to sit in and have fun and do shit (as opposed to being just a sterile, lifeless, soulless, spirit-sucking building that looks a little like a mall up in New Jersey), the Student Center now sports more comfy couches, new carpeting in various floor spots, and a “gaming corner” that’s located behind the curve of the stairs up to the Marketplace. (That’s right. Put gamers where they belong! Underneath the stairs. With Daniel Radcliffe.) As of this writing, the TVs and consoles have yet to arrive.

Also, there’s a new notification system in relation to package collection. I’m not too sure how it streamlines the system (or how it works, really), but I’m sure whatever and however it works it was instituted with good intention. Could somebody explain it in the comments? 3 years of college didn’t prepare me for such practical information.

5. Pi Cafe – Not much is new, unless you work there

According to Big Daddy Chuck, who co-manages Pi and Weshop and who you should really give a high-5 to when you see him, the Cafe now features a new ice machine (which nobody really cares about unless you work there – and if you work there, OMG ITS A NEW ICE MACHINE!!!) and a new Coke icebox machine thing to store more drinks at one go. This essentially means more food can be shelved for consumption at any time, and shit won’t run out so quickly between resupply runs.

Also, apparently there are some subtle readjustments of the seating and table capacities? I’m not too clear on the details, but whatever the change was shouldn’t be too drastic. The place looks more or less the same from the outside.

6. The Old Squash Building/The New Multipurpose Building – A Synthesis of the New Old Cool

So the big structure under construction with laughably yellow plaster holdups next to Usdan is actually the new building that houses the Art History department, the College of Letters, as well as the Career Resource Center (CRC). It’s not due to open anytime this year, however. (And speaking as a member of the Class of 2012, boooooooo)

[Update: Anonymous commenter below mentions that the ARHA/CoL/CRC Building is actually due to open sometime next semester. Could anonymous commenter be correct? Tune in next semester to find out!]

Fun fact: That building is connected to Usdan through the basement tunnels that, according to some fans of Wesleyan Folklore, also connects out the CFA, Connecticut River, and North Korea.

If you’re really into the other renovation and construction projects on campus (and there are plenty of really interesting and amazing ones!), check out this Wesleyan Connection article.

7. Olin – Changes made to downscale the creepy, but ends up also downscaling the sexy


Ripping off just one detail listed in the previously mentioned WesConnection article, apparently the Olin authorities have installed various sensors throughout the building. This includes motion sensors that automatically turn on lights when people walk through the dark, dark stacks (which, when perused while exhausted from work late into the night, is quite freaky especially when you make a left turn and out of nowhere you suddenly bump into some person that you totally didn’t hear come by even though it’s deathly silent in the third floor stacks and then you scream like a little bitch and run away and cry next to the oversizes books at Floor 3A). It now also sports sensors that detect and indicate occupancy in the thesis carrels.

Which is nice and all, though it kind of feels like the expansion of a security state sort of situation. And honestly, the whole automatic light switching on thing is really going to screw up the quantity and quality of stack booty which, along with Cirque du Soleil booty and Presidential booty, is high on my list of booty. DAMN YOU TECHNOLOGY. DAMN YOU FOR MESSING WITH BOOTY.

8. The New Mental Health – OBHS now CAPS with caps lock on!

The Office of Behavioral Health for Students (OBHS) has always been an important, important component of this campus. And now it has a new name, Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS), and a new director, Dr. Jennifer D’Andrea.

For more information on this important piece of information, I now refer you to a source that is more capable, objective, and serious than I – click here for the Argus article on the matter.

Cheers for mental health, folks.

9. General Shit

  • Parking Permit Prices went up $25. (Inflation? nooooo)
  • Super huge frosh class! Whoaaaaaaaa. 810 people (I think), and a whooollleeeee lot of triples to accommodate that shit. Last I heard, triples have been crammed into the Butts, Fauver, and Clark. But hey, remember the Golden Rule.
    • Also, in the next few weeks, watch for the hordes. Especially you folks over in Fountain.
  • We changed AirWes into…. Wesstudent? Once again, I don’t really know what that really means.

Right. So. That’s it. At least, that’s all I can come up with. Once again, welcome back my fluffy-fuckers, and make sure you have a BITCHIN YEAR!

(On a side note: Why the hell is CNN giving the Tea Party its own debate? I leave the country for two weeks and this happens? God I’m so jet-lagged)

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