Fake Plastic Tree-Huggers

Activists at the “Occupy Wall Street” protest were left high and dry today at 4:00 PM when famed British alt-rockers Radiohead were rumored to play. The official website for the movement, OccupyWallStreet.org, updated its blog this afternoon announcing an impromptu show at the protest, presumably to show allegiance to the ongoing anti-establishment efforts in downtown NYC. Protestors were let down when the only music murmuring throughout the massive crowd was a sole, half-naked dude banging on a garbage can drumset. It has yet to be confirmed whether or not this man was, in fact, Thom Yorke.

My unrelenting cynicism typically keeps me far from such a locale, but I was optimistic enough to schlep down from my Upper West Side synagogue where I was innocently attending Rosh Hashanah services. When I arrived at the small park two blocks north of Wall Street, I found an astonishingly large amount of middle-aged hippies and liberal arts students flirting and smoking enough hand-rolled cigarettes to burn the whole Meryll Lynch tower down. For more coverage of the protest, click past the jump.

Upon being interviewed, Sam Silverman, a Sociology student and sophomore at Swarthmore, stated, “I might be wrong, but JP Morgan cannot chase us away and they certainly will not stop us from getting nude!” Multiple karma policeman arrested and tasered several protestors who were climbing up walls to shout the National Anthem with signs reading “You and whose army! No surprise(s) that the tourist(s) from North Korea joined in to put everything in its right place.” After telling several of my fellow activists that all five Beatles were scheduled to perform at 5:30, I eventually reached my Radiohead pun quota and hopped on a train back to New Haven. Shana Tova, Mother Fuckers.

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