About five days ago, Professor Steven H. “Fishmuscle” Devoto published an article in the Middletown Eye concerning an outspoken, ambitious and provocative young Wes student. His name is Julian Schmidt ’14(?), he has a Bieber cut, and he’s running for the 33rd District State Legislative Seat against incumbent Joe Serra.
And apparently, he doesn’t exist.
But non-existence isn’t an issue for this young man, oh no. Standing up against the prejudice of incorporeality, the German Studies major and self-declared Democrat makes his voice heard through the comments sections of a few websites, boldly criticizing Democrat nominee for Mayor Dan Drew. And, according to Senor Fishmuscle, he’s been pretty successful in drawing considerable attention to himself and his views.
There are a couple more gems in the article, and in the predicament in general. I highly recommend you dedicate some procrastination time to reading it (click here!). It’s got Herman Cain, DC comics, Occupy Wall Street, Ben Florsheim ’14, German Youth Volleyball… everything, man. Everything. No real word as to what this all really is, though – there are conjectures here and there, but no one really knows what’s the true intention here or who this Schmidt character is.
But if you ask me, I mean, I’m pretty sure I know what this is. I’ve seen the movies. Chinatown. The Manchurian Candidate. Redford’s Deepthroat. The Matt Damon-kills-everybody trilogy. Hell, even that one British masterpiece that came out a few years ago.
It’s a GODDAMNED CONSPIRACY, MAN. SCHMIDT IS ILLUMINATI.
Or, like, just major troll central. Alright, back to work.