“Sometimes I’m mildly culturally insensitive.”
For those who don’t check the ACB since the apocalypse: Wesleying has received word that the ACB (the new post-blipdar student-run venture, mind you) (not that I actually read it with any regularity or anything) has received its own savior and “guardian angel” in the form of Captain Mittens, a semi-anonymous, fuzzy-hatted, eccentric stranger who disperses advice-column wisdom from the warmth of his
Butts WestCo(?) dorm room and a trademark YouTube channel. The captain hirself writes: “I come to you from the interwebs as a savior, a guardian angel, and a member of your sexually ambiguous community in order to answer all your questions.”
A disclaimer: I’m as confused as you are. I don’t know who Captain Mittens is, what hir deal is, or just generally what’s going on. Still, ze has asked us to pass along the word, and I can’t deny being mildly intrigued: it’s like a whole new Wesleyan Web Series, except exclusively featuring an easily excitable underclassman in a goofy hat answering seemingly self-posed love queries about unibrow fetishes from the ACB.
If that sounds up your alley, go nuts: it’s almost break, and the thread’s already got 34 replies and counting. (That’s a lot, sadly, in the post-Frankian anonysphere.) You can contact the captain at captainmittensxoxo(at)gmail(dot).com. If it sounds like some narcissistic experiment gone horribly awry, steer clear and keep on scrolling. As one responder points out: “i have no words.”
Here’s Mittens’ take on unibrows.