Where in the World Is Steve Roslonek?

…in upbeat, instructional children’s music videos, apparently.

So, it’s two weeks into spring semester of senior year. Just when you think liberation is in your grasp, you feel it gradually being snatched away as you realize the daunting future that looms ahead of you. Ah, to be a kid again…

But who says you can’t? Certainly not Steve Roslonek ’93, a former member of the Spirits (edit courtesy of the comments section) now known as SteveSongs. Attempting to fill the gap created by the departure of the other, perhaps better-known Steve (who has evidently discarded the congenial mantle he once assumed in favor of a more douchey, faux-emo, Justin Timberlake-esque style) from the children’s television gamut, Roslonek performs on intermediate segments of the PBS Kids Preschool Block (aired during the highly-coveted 8:00am weekday primetime block).

A recipient of the highly-coveted Parents’ Choice Award and the iParenting Media Awards, SteveSongs allegedly holds 200-400 concerts a year, surely attended by hordes of aspiring pre-Bieberites. 

The cinematic genius headlining this article comes via Aldon Hynes, the social media manager of Community Health Center, as part of that organization’s Recess Rocks initiative–a “national program to reverse childhood obesity and to redefine and redesign how recess is incorporated into the school day.”

Ignoring the interjections of the creepy rapper-janitor (who, if we may say so ourself, seriously lacks any sort of rhythmic coordination–also, how exactly is it fun to pretend you’re sitting in an invisible chair? Isn’t that what class and Finnish design campaigns are for?), Roslonek sure does hearten our stiffened hipster sensibilities–if only for the irony of it all. Be sure to watch for his masterful use of the stutter at 3:13 and 3:18.

EDIT: My aspersions against the “creepy rapper-janitor” appear to be misplaced, as he is “none other than Wes alum AN ’96” (thanks to Gail Farris ’84). Apologies for any offense Mr. Nayak might take at this column and we wish him the best of luck with his budding career! (…looks like he’ll need it)

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5 thoughts on “Where in the World Is Steve Roslonek?

  1. Anonymous

    Dear Wieb$

    Although your opinion of what I do or how I look doesn’t matter to me, I feel compelled to write again for a reason that will become clear. But first, a suggestion. Next time you feel like cutting on someone in a way that massages your “stiffened hipster sensibilities” you might reflect on the following:

    A) I am someone who has never rapped or even been in a music video before doing this song for a local non-profit and good cause (fighting childhood obesity in a fun and healthy way)

     B) I am a professional folk musician and music producer who values my reputation. Now, thanks to your remarks, a google search for my name and class year produces your mean-spirited words as the top result. In fact it is your weak and insincere (or “ironic” in your language) apology that shows in the search.

    Thanks a lot. – AN

  2. Anonymous

    Thanks for the kind words about the song! If I ever decide to do a hip-hop record, I’ll know where to look for a review. Glad we were able to soften some of your sensibilities, good luck with the rest of them!

  3. I just want to rock

    Are you serious? This is a children’s song?  Why did you have to write a pitchfork article about it?

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