NITIC’S CROTEBOOK: You Can Lead a Horse to Awesomefest

But you can’t make him liveblog the damn thing in a timely fashion.

After like six days or whatever and no announcement of victory, I think it’s reasonably safe to conclude that there is no winner of Awesomefest Part Deux except for you, dear reader and participant, who weathered scars and scabs, technical difficulties and nonexistent rehearsals, horse masks and tinnitus, to bring us thirty-two (32) wholly singular, unique, occasionally dreadful, fleeting bursts of frenzied inspiration in the form of synth-pop duos and post-dubstep avant-poetry outfits, progalicious ensembles and environment-core ukulele-strummers, Civil War folk singers and cacophonous rockabilly freaks, funkadelic crowd-pleasers and something called “Slutbuckets.”

Never mind. Awesomefest Part Deux ruled, almost as much as Awesomefest Part One. Special thanks to all 262,026 bands who came out and participated!!!!!!11

Commentary and photo coverage from A (largely unsubstantial) to Z (real live music journalist) post-jump.

Peter and Lina [ballroom]
Z: Featuring Peter Myers ’13, Lina Mamut ’13, and Zach Schonfeld ’13, this trio combines tumultuous guitar noise with dada poetry and dubsteppy DJing courtesy of Ms. Mamut. Also, a 1995 Nickelodeon Time Blaster. This band sucks.
Apache Kid [dining room]
Z: Gil Sunshine ’12, Casey Feldman ’12, and a drum machine. Hey, that’s Apache Kid! Well, no. But sort of. A different Apache Kid. With the same members. Bouncy electro-pop. Gil plays some jangly guitar riffs, then the computer dies, then they end the set.
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Tumblr Whore [ballroom]
Z: Two guys: one on funk bass, one on trumpet. Also, a laptop playing some smooth funky backing tracks (continuing the two guys + one laptop format). Dreadlocked dude plays trumpet, occasionally yells profanity in the mic. I think this performer is the first performer of the night to text while playing set.
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CHYCKKNIS [dining room]
Z: Three dudes in baggy jeans and hoods. “This is the future of hip hop!” they declare like 18 times before starting. Phat ’80s-style beats, dope rhymes (Kinda sounds like Licensed to Ill-era Beasties, but weirder). “Freak unto others as you would have them freak unto you!” “Remember da Golden Rule!” “You were playing wiff dat blue play dough and watching the Ellen DeGeneres show!” “Plato never played with no play dough!” [Wha???] (This last chorus is my fave. These guys rule.)
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Dog Years [ballroom]
A: Pretty sure they were the only band with a song dedicated to someone who passed away. I don’t feel like I should say much else.
Z: Quartet consisting of four underclassmen whose names I don’t know. Shoegazy guitars, steady bass, melodic National-esque vocals. Solid.
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Midwin Scusco [dining room]
A: These guys struck me as a pretty tight band—somewhat laid-back pacing interspersed with guitar interplay and a solo or three. I remember the vocals of Eric Jones ’13 tickling my fancy. Did I mention that these guys invited everyone to their house immediately afterwards? Bros.
Z: Shivan Bhavnani ’13, Eric Jones ’13, John McGlynn ’13, and friends. Lots of jazzy noodling, proggy guitar riffs. Slow-burning , proggy as fuck, kinda rambling songs with lots of instrumental passages. McGlynn and Jones both sing.
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MICALEX [ballroom]
A: Literally invincible. I only caught the last 30 seconds of the kitchen percussion song, which was tragic. “Fuck You” was visually arresting.
Z: Two students, apparently named Mica and Alex, wearing dresses made from garbage bags. “All our songs are about the environment and love.” One girl sings in a soul voice, other girls bangs silverware percussion. Second song is a ukelele cover of “Fuck You.” Dope.
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Awake My Soul [dining room]
A: About time someone brought it on home. Real earthy goodness in the xoc, chords, and bass drum stomp.
Z: Emma Daniels ’13 and some other dude on acoustic guitar and lit candles. “We are going to sing some songs from the Civil War-era.” From a book called the Sacred Harp. The guitarist also hits a bass drum while playing acoustic guitar. Emma sings really well. Songs about pilgrims and going to “Canaan’s land.” Almost sounds like Zeppelin III.
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White Liars [ballroom]
A: Easily the best harmonica solo of the night. Rock. NOLA. RoLA.
Z: Bobby Burvant ’13 and assorted friends. I also wrote down notes about harmonica.
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What’s Up Sarah [dining room]
A: Quotable quotes from these sweetie-pies include “suck my pussy dry,” “I’m gonna suck your pussy dry,” and the chorus of the closer, “she has a vagina / and I’ve got a boner!” For the ladies: “I have a vagina / and he’s got a boner!”
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Slasher Roth [ballroom]
A: Slasher Roth? Nope… Chuck “Gil and Casey” Testa filled in for this one. Word on the street was that their first set ended early due to eckeltronic difficulties, so they played the last song from that set again and then followed it up with new stuff. Am I right on that?
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Goatmeal [dining room]
A: Oops.
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Smacky Brown [ballroom]
A: I’d popped out for a brief heroin break but returned just in time to secure an all-important collectible from vocalist Ryan Dias-Toppin ’14. It was kinda like that scene in The Fifth Element, but really not.
Z: More Bobby Burvant ’13, more funk. Like White Liars, but with more reggae and more moshing. And more horse costume.
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ATI but we’re changing our name to space bars or bloom line” [ballroom]
A: In the words of Isaac Silk ’13, this was “the good band.”
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Vices [ballroom]
A: Yo, fucked up that they didn’t have enough ampz. All about dat White Stripes doe.
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Thirsty [dining room]
A: Switched w/pt, fuckin’ moshed. [Verbatim notes from my phone.. I think “pt” was somehow supposed to mean Protein Stains.]
Z: Dylan Bostick ’13 on drums, Ethan Cohen ’13 on guitar and vocals. “When I say I’m in love, you best believe I’m in L-O-V-E love!” Loud, fast rockabilly performed with fervor.
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Low Key Collective [dining room]
A: Surprise!
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Mara and Friends [ballroom]
A: Sam Lyons ’12 went above and beyond Friday, not only by setting up and working sound all day and all night, but acting as just the human mic stand Alexia Nazarian ’13 and her violin needed. The rest of Mara’s friends, including Mara, apparently got by with more traditional sound setups.
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Three Monkeys [ballroom]

A: I couldn’t see what was going on. Did any of you?
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Slutbuckets [dining room]
A: This was really, really up my alley. I was pretty inarticulate about this directly after the show, but Sky Stallbaumer ’12Jordan Kenna ’12, and Drum Machine that Dylan sped up to play them off ’12 played the kind of stuff I’m happy to listen to for hours in my room by myself. That means record something, guys.
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red hot chubby chasers [ballroom]
A:
 [dining room]
A: Guitar line + bass line + drumbot = sex. You want sex, right?

Winner: The Argus.

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