Happy Spring Break!: Dean Mike Whaley and Your Mom

So, 2 days ago an all-campus email was sent out by Dean Mike Whaley imploring the student body to cease the annual athletic contest and shit-show rodeo that we know as Tour de Franzia.

This is all dandy and fine; the vice president of student affairs is reaching out to us to address to something that he is very concerned about. And then he sends this email to our parents:

“Dear Wesleyan Parent or Guardian,

We need your help.  I am forwarding to you the message (below) that I sent to all students yesterday.  The so-called “Tour de Franzia” has surfaced at Wesleyan in recent years and it has been fraught with problems.  It has been impossible for us to identify the students who organize the event because it is publicized and promoted via an anonymous Facebook account.  We need your help in talking with your student about the very real dangers associated with the event.  I hope you will help us to discourage participation in this dangerous activity.

Many thanks,
Dean Mike Whaley”

So, when you go home today or over the weekend or whenever you do this break, do expect to answer some questions and provide some descriptions of wet, sticky nights running around as Chewbacca. And make sure to make note of the fact that “Tour de Franzia” is actually, above all else, a fun old pun.
Happy Spring Break!
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12 thoughts on “Happy Spring Break!: Dean Mike Whaley and Your Mom

  1. Pingback: Administrative Views on Tour de Franzia – Wesleying

  2. Neptune

    A message from Dean Whaley:

    Dear Wesleyan Student Body,

    Hey, it’s your Dean Mike Whaley. I need your help, that damn facebook fooled me again. How dare a Wesleyan student create an event with anonymous facebook account? What is this? I have the right to know just who is doing this on my campus! Someone please tell me who is charge of this inappropriate and immature event so I can have them brought in front of the SJB immediately. I promise to bring swift punishment to this outrageous offender.

    If you are not aware, I am a pretty, pretty big deal around here. I always look out for the welfare of the kids and I am not doing this in an attempt to protect Wesleyan from lawsuits and a ‘party/anything goes’ image. I am only thinking in your best interest. You see, you students are children. I am an adult. My thoughts have my thought to them than yours. I don’t care if a 100 idiots want to run around and drink. You guys don’t have the foresight and experience I do. Listen to me, stop Kony, I mean Franzia now.

    Also, if I anyone has that Zuckerberg’s phone number, please email it to me. I am sure he can tell me who created the facebook event. I am Wesleyan. I am your Dean therefore smarter than you. I am a scum who flirts with the female students everyday. 

    Yours truly,
    Dean Mike Whaley

    1. anon1

      why are you attacking dean mike? he didn’t say anything that isn’t already university policy. and how incredibly immature and offensive, lying about him preying on female students. he’s gay, you idiot. if you had ever spoken to him before, you would know a) he’s real gay, and b) he’s sweet and cares about us students and just wants to make sure no one dies or gets seriously injured. if you want to drink yourself into oblivion, just ignore his email and go ahead.

      1. anon2

        clearly this was a joke anon1, you are really stupid for posting that comment. i guess dean whaley did need to warn your parents. 

    2. Guest

      uh he is probably smarter than you. You are only revealing your immaturity in writing this – don’t you see the hypocrisy in that? 

  3. oy vey

    There’s nothing inherently wrong with the Tour… there are two things that seem to always happen:

    1) people drink so much that they wind up in the hospital and 2) tons of shit gets broken/vandalized on campus

    If people knew their limits and just got shit-faced instead of so-shitfaced-I-have-blood-alcohol-poisoning and if people didn’t destroy campus that night, I’m sure the admininstration would look the other way. But it’s the 25-30 people or so that can’t handle themselves that ruin it for everyone…

    1. Anon

      People go to the hospital more for self inflicted injuries than just alcohol poisoning.
      Drunk people running = drunk people falling = drunk people breaking a wrist, spraining an ankle, etc.

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