If you received a convincing enough “Notice of Pending Disciplinary Action and Student Judicial Board Hearing” in your inbox yesterday, you can relax now. You’re not in trouble—just kinda gullible.
Last year, on April 1, the WSA sent out an email announcing Rebecca Black as a surprise addition to the Spring Fling lineup. (Weirdly enough, so did Bard.) Wesleyan yawned. The previous year, they declared Sarah Palin the surprise Commencement speaker. Lame. This year, they sent out a vague SJB notice to all-campus. People took notice.
Funny? Mean-spirited? Brutally obnoxious? I think it was well-played. If you read a little closer, you’ll see that it’s credited to one “April Stulti,” and—well, props to whichever WSA person is studying Latin. Did anyone show up at the WSA meeting? (“But I didn’t even go out last night!”)
Click past the jump for the email in full. In other news, Rick Santorum is Middletown-bound on April 19. Anyone got any other decent April Fools pranks to report? We should have reported on this yesterday, but man, we was Weasleyin‘, you know?
On behalf of the Student Judicial Board (SJB), I am writing to inform you that charges have been filed with the SJB alleging that you have violated Section II, Regulation(s) 16 of the Non-Academic Code of Conduct. This section of the code reads as follows:
Members of the community are expected to abide by duly established and promulgated WSA regulations. This is intended to cover the operating regulations of all WSA programs and facilities. These include, but are not limited to, the policies outlined here.
Specifically, the charges arise from allegations concerning your actions on March 31st, 2012.
To appeal your violation please come at 7:00 PM tonight to this location: 41 Wyllys, Room 114 to resolve this case. The Board, comprised of students, will review all the facts and determinations about your level of responsibility for the violation(s), and recommend sanction(s) (if any). It is obviously very important for you to attend this hearing in order to present your version of events, and to respond to questions which the Board may have about the alleged violation(s).
Please contact Ms. April Stulti, Clerk of the Judicial Board, at 860-685-0401 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org to acknowledge receipt of this letter, and confirm your availability for the hearing. Failure to attend or to reschedule the hearing will result in the Board hearing the case without you present.
Ms. April Stulti
Clerk of the SJB