Anwar for Prez: A Plea from Bartin Menjamin ’75

Hey friends. As the weekly poll to your right (–>) will indicate, the WSA presidential election is open as of midnight last night. You can vote over at the WSA voting site. Wesleying’s policy for the past few years has been not to take sides in WSA campaigns (with the occasional exception of Giant Joint’s), but we’re always glad to post your own pitches as long as they steer clear of mudslinging villainy. Arya and Zach, do take note: our email is staff(at)wesleying(dot)org; we’ll post your pleas.

The following pitch was sent to us by Bartin Menjamin ’75, who wishes to remain pseudonymous, in support of Wesleying’s own Anwar Batte ’13, who has a history of winning WSA elections by write-in consensus. Wesleying offers no comment:

My dear fellow Wesleyan alumni and you crazy commie current students. With all of the press regarding current WSA Presidential and Vice-Presidential front-running pairs Zach/MariAryah/Sam (the establishment candidates), I felt it prudent to inform you that an entirely unofficial write-in campaign is underway to elect the real Giant Joint, sir Anwar Batte ’13 himself, to the WSA Presidency. If you’re planning to abstain from voting or voting for some other unoffical candidate because you think its pointless, or you think the WSA doesn’t matter, then I implore you to consider voting for Anwar, the real WSA outsider. He’s such an outsider he doesn’t even know he’s running!

Also, consider writing in Jake Blumenthal ’13 for VP. He’s never won an election he actually ran for, so maybe he’ll win one he didn’t!

Sincerely, Bartin Menjamin ’75

You can vote in the election at this link and learn more about the candidates (the ones actually running) by scoping this interview with the contenders. Vote early and vote often.

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16 thoughts on “Anwar for Prez: A Plea from Bartin Menjamin ’75

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    1. Zach

       Did you read the post, brah? We haven’t received statements from any other candidates. If Zach or Arya send us pitches, we’ll post them.

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  4. Batte_A

    I must say that I cannot support voting for this candidate for a multitude of reasons.

    1) The premise that Anwar is an outsider because “He’s such an outsider he doesn’t even know he’s running!” falls apart, since he is now very aware that he is “running”.
    2) If we’re really going to help Jake get elected without running, don’t
    you think we should go the distance and support him for President? (to
    be fair, this is a point against my most important argument, to come
    3) He’s only been on the WSA for less than a semester. How can he lead an organization he doesn’t fully understand?
    4) This candidate is irresponsible, lazy, easily distracted, an unprosecuted lawbreaker, and isn’t even in charge of their own campaign. In fact, Anwar is trying to sabotage his campaign in a Wesleying comment right this very minute. How pathetic is that? Are these the traits you want in a WSA President?
    5) Electing a male candidate as president reinforces patriarchy.
    6) Anwar is notoriously unreliable when it comes to party attendance. Don’t you just hate people like that?
    6) Electing an African-American candidate potentially resonates with tokenism (watch campus intellectuals claim that the WSA is now “post-race”, if he is elected) and is a manifestation of the White Savior Industrial Complex: “Look! We can help these people by pushing them into a leadership role, even if they’re not ready!” Here, the paternalistic American route is to be as distantly involved as possible and cast a vote online, where a true commitment to social justice would require deeper involvement: getting to know Anwar, pretending he isn’t awkward when he is, understanding his material needs (purchasing a new pair of fashionable glasses for his benefit, for example) and physical needs (erotic massages), introducing him to your friends using adjectives like “sexy”, “brilliant”, “definitely a shoo-in for the Watson”, “does more cocaine than Obama in high school”, etc.
    7) I saw him go into Eclectic once. Fuck those kids, am I right?!
    8) He’s racist and sexist.

    There are more – feel free to ask me about it in person. But perhaps most importantly,

    9) Any write-in vote takes crucial votes away from Giant Joint, the true outsider presidential candidate. Giant Joint not only already believes in all the same things I do, but ze has no gender, class, sexual orientation, race, or other human characteristics, thus transcending all forms of oppression. If we are to truly consider ourselves progressive students of a progressive institution, supporting a progressive WSA, we should vote for the only *truly* progressive candidate.

    1. yoDude

      This is really smart criticism dude. You should consider politics or something. Have you considered running for WSA president? 

  5. Keri Wild 'N Out

    The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants. Let’s discuss this prospect.

    1. Do It

      ps I propose we write “Anwar Batte” rather than variations that won’t count toward the write in tally. let’s win it

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