“Normally the thought of an independently financed film makes me physically ill. But studios have stopped taking my pitches for movies with human protagonists.”
Guys! Michael Bay ’86, critically
acclaimed misunderstood director of the Transformers series (which he recently bashed) and the occasional Victoria’s Secret commercial, needs your help. Inspired by Amanda Palmer ’98’s crowdfunding success story, Bay has taken to Kickstarter to fund his latest project, Bad Boys III, which you can be assured will feature all the hallmarks of great cinema in the Book of Bay: “10-15 story pyrotechnics, blast-proof camera cranes, chicks with big cans, with minimal-to-no popcorn fare-type elements, like story or plot.” The movie will also feature a scene in which “some guy basejumps into the space between the Statue of Liberty’s tits.” Hey, did you hear about that Sight & Sound poll?
If you donate a dollar, you will receive a personal thank-you email from Michael Bay. If you donate $25 million, you will receive a signed photo of Michael Bay on a sweet motorcycle. Seems like an obvious choice to me.
Okay, so Michael Bay isn’t actually raising money on Kickstarter, but props to Jest for the concept. For more on Bay Watch, check out the director’s CGI-crafted Oscar (joke), attack on Los Angeles International Airport (joke), video of a man eating breakfast (joke), and Victoria’s Secret commercial (apparently not a joke).