US News and Stupid Farts Report: Wes Plummets to #17

Why so serious, USNWR?

Not that anyone cares, because these things don’t mean anything, and they’re all just so arbitrary, and because rankings do not even matter unless Wesleyan scores high, in which case it’s super-exciting and you can disregard all that other stuff, but…

Unfortunately, it’s just not our year. The U.S. News and World Report—which by the way, has ranked as the #1 most useless publication three years in a row in this list I keep in the top drawer of my desk—had the gall to rank the prestigious Wellesleyan College at #17, down five slots from last year (or really up, does anyone else ever think about that, because 17 is actually a greater number than 12, mathematically speaking?).

Here’s the list, but instead of focusing on why or how we dropped this year (cough overenrollment cough endowment-per-student figure), I thought instead I’d focus instead on what it means to be number 17. I didn’t get very far, so instead I thought about what it might mean to be a liberal arts college (not in like a 21st century-cost-efficient-MRoth sort of way). More like just the description at the top of the rankings, where USNWR poetically explains that “National Liberal Arts Colleges are schools like Amherst College and Middlebury College.”

This was sort of discouraging as well. I could spend time trash-talking schools that scored above us, but honestly, I’m above pointing out that Hamilton College isn’t even located in Hamilton, NY, or how Bowdoin and Tufts aren’t even need-blind (shit, is that not such a strong argument anymore?).  I might include a link to whatever worthless, inane discussions are going on over at CollegeConfidential, but I refuse to step e-foot in that filthy site. Or I could ramble indefinitely about the process of writing this piece itself, like a college commencement address that begins at the blinking cursor of the evening before. Yeah, that sounds about right.

[US News Best Colleges]

  • marty

    Tiny correction: Bowdoin is definitely need-blind.

  • newshoes

    Much has been written and discussed about the inaccuracy of college ranking schemes and the irrationality of our cultural over-dependence on them.

    Malcolm Gladwell has penned an excellent piece in which he makes the point that it’s impossible to create a non-misleading ranking system that is both heterogeneous and comprehensive (i.e. that maintains a sensible degree of “truth” while being both broad and deep in its scope).

    I thought the article was an excellent treatment of the subject. As usual, Gladwell nails it.

    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/02/14/110214fa_fact_gladwell?currentPage=1

  • DSVSDFFGDS

    THIS SCHOOL IS BULLSHIT WHY DO I HAVE TO SHARE A WESBOX WITH SOMEONE ELSE THAT’S NOT LEGITIMATE IS THAT EVEN LEGAL

  • anonymouse

    currently we are having more trouble than other schools in our tier, therefore our rating dropped. It wont stay this way, though it may go up or down for a few years. but I think it will return to its former glory as we recover financially.

  • They’re using the data from last year, when the acceptance rate was still at 24! So better luck next year Y’ALL!

  • A CONCERNED CITIZEN

    I THINK THE TONE OF THIS POST COMES OFF AS A LITTLE BIT DEFENSIVE

    ANYBODY ELSE AGREE??????

    • billbelichek

      I THINK THE TONE OF THIS REPLY COMES OFF AS A LITTLE BIT OFFENSIVE

      • bellbillechek

        I THINK THE TONE OF THIS SCHOOL COMES OFF AS A LITTLE BIT EXPENSIVE

        • billbillecheck

          THE BEST DEFENSE IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE

    • bill_loves_mroth

      BEST OFFENSE IS A GOOD DEFENSE

    • pyrotechnics

      I THINK CAPS LOCK COMES OFF AS A LITTLE BIT OFFENSIVE

      ANYBODY ELSE AGREE??????