From The Argives: “Anna Mendes, You’ve Got Mail”

“Please, pick up your mail Anna, you’re missing so many great events.”

On Monday, our investigative report on the new WesBox squeeze (in short, a number of students are now sharing mailboxes but were never informed—oops) touched off a controversy in the comments. For some, it’s a basic privacy issue. “A lot of sensitive things come through the mail,” a mailbox-sharer argued. “There is a reason why mailboxes come with locks on them instead of remaining open cubbyholes.” For others, it’s hardly worth bitching about. “The envelope is surprisingly effective at securing privacy as is,” wrote one commenter. Finally, one irate alumnus huffily pointed out what may not be obvious to current students: in the Dark Ages before Usdan, everyone shared a mailbox. And everyone was happy about it, because Clinton was president and there was no Twitter or Pinterest or WesDicks or whatever to bitch about it on. Right?

But one potential issue has gone unstated: what if your boxmate never picks up hir fucking mail?

In a Wespeak published October 6, 2006 (only a year before Usdan forever changed the Wesbox Industrial Complex), Stephen Morris ’07 illustrates the frustrations of sharing a mailbox with a neglectful party. In fact, he publicly urges his boxmate, Anna Mendes ’10, to check out all the mail she’s missing:

Dear Anna,

I’m writing you this letter in the most obvious place I can, because I know you’re not checking your mail. Yes, I am your boxmate and here it is: you’ve got mail. Lots of it. And it’s making all of my mail get really squished. I could just trash all your fliers and postcards from the CFA and whatnot, but I care about your right to be informed. Please, pick up your mail Anna, you’re missing so many great events.

Your boxmate

P.S. Darren Moodie ’06, I didn’t appreciate your boxmateness enough.

As it turns out, this issue of the Argus signifies somewhat of a golden age for Wespeaks. In addition to Morris’s manifesto, there’s also a Wespeak by Wesleying co-founder/godmother Xue Sun ’08 demanding to know why the P-Safe news blotter was missing from the previous Argus and a lengthy rant titled “A Justification for Balcony Urination,” which references something called and calls for the installation of “beer bongs” on balconies for pissing convenience. Can someone make sure Martin Benjamin ’57 gets a copy of this to quote in his next manifesto?

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4 thoughts on “From The Argives: “Anna Mendes, You’ve Got Mail”

  1. 2008 Alumnus

    Sharing a mailbox was pretty fun… your boxmate was a, generally, a mystery person whom you tried to discover. Once you did discover the person, the bond you formed was like no other. Seriously.

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