Our Dear Leader Completes Another Year of Glorious Existence

About two weeks ago, we made a post about the fact that Our Dear Leader Zach had completed his 1,200th Wesleying post. Today, we take a break from our normal campus-life blogging (and I take a break from my abroad-induced blogging hiatus) to worship him a little more than usual.

It has been said that the 22nd birthday is not particularly exciting from a legal standpoint, but we at Wesleying disagree. Zach, here are some things to celebrate on this most triumphant day:

  • You have been able to drink legally for a full year!
  • It’s been four years since you registered with Selective Service and you have not been drafted for the army yet.
  • It’s also been four years since you were able to go to real prison (as opposed to juvenile prison) if you had gotten arrested, but as far as we know this hasn’t happened, so congratulations!
  • Starting today, you only have to wait for 3 more years before you can rent a car.
  • Your age is now the same regardless of the order of digits. This won’t happen again until you’re 33.
What can the rest of us do to celebrate Zach‘s 22nd birthday? We can:
  • Agree to name our firstborn child “Zach”
  • For this day only, declare a truce on our vendetta with the letter “Z”
  • Spend 3 hours at the Zach shrine instead of the ordinary, culturally-mandated 2
  • Hook up with one of campus’s 30 Zachs in honor of Zach
  • Say happy birthday to him in person
  • Say happy birthday to him via the phone
  • Say happy birthday to him via internet (Facebook, email, Twitter, campus blog)
  • Say happy birthday to him via the comments below.
    • Please include the required donation of 14.8 billion rubles. We accept cash only.

Mahatma Gandhi was born this day in 1869 and Groucho Marx in 1890, the Sting in 1951, and, most gloriously, Zach in 1990.

[Edit October 2nd 2012, 2:36PM, pyrotechnics: photo and other minor edits.]

7 thoughts on “Our Dear Leader Completes Another Year of Glorious Existence

  1. Pingback: Oneohtrix Point Never and Ben Seretan ’10 @ Eclectic – Wesleying

  2. Concerned Reader

    These Wesleying meta posts are as fun as recreational chemotherapy. I hope Zach and Anwar are raped to death by donkeys.

    1. Zach

      “To die by A-Batte’s side while getting raped to death by donkeys is such a heavenly way to die.” —Morrissey

    2. White tears make me stronger

      That’s right, more rape jokes are definitely going to get you what you want. Keep making them.

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