Weather Update: Frankenstorm/Hurricane Sandy Is One Gnarly Bitch

If you haven’t been following the news over the past week, you’ve seriously been missing out. Long story short: there is a giant ass hurricane projected to hit the Northeast within the next couple days. Wesleyan’s administration sent out an announcement on Friday afternoon telling students and faculty that the storm should make landfall either Monday evening or Tuesday morning.

The email goes on to report that Hurricane Sandy has “…potential to bring strong winds, heavy rain, and flooding to Connecticut.” Power outages are also a strong possibility. To prepare, members of the Wesleyan community should put together an “emergency kit” consisting of key items (pillow, blanket, medication, flashlight, etc.) in the occurrence of an evacuation. The school will update the student body and faculty on the situation again this Monday.

“Blah blah blah, hermes, I don’t give a shit about the storm. I’m an invincible motherfucker. All I want to know is if classes are canceled.” Well, impatient reader, scroll on and you’ll find out. There has been no official word on whether or not any classes will be canceled this week (this policy could change as the storm gets closer). However, if you went to the University of Hartford, you’d be jumping for joy; the school has already officially canceled classes Monday through Wednesday this week. Reports also show that all Middletown public schools will be closed on Monday and Tuesday. Sorry, Wes peeps. I guess we’re just special.

On top of the administration’s email, several new reports about the storm’s potential are circulating around major news outlets. Since I don’t want to repeat all the awesome things ZeePorn wrote in this article yesterday morning, I’ll just give the updates that have popped up over the course of the past 24 hours:

• Floridians chuckle as their hurricane-proof structures prove to be…hurricane-proof.
• The storm is (for now) predicted to make landfall in southern New Jersey on Monday night.
• Hurricane winds are reaching over 75-80 mph (obviously, this could change by the time it makes landfall).
• Meteorology director Jeff Masters on Sandy: “Mother Nature is not saying ‘trick or treat.’ It’s just going to give us tricks.” Mother Nature sounds like that bitchy old lady down the street who gives you granola bars instead of candy on Halloween.
• This storm could potentially be the worst storm to hit the Northeast in 100 years due to its intensity, the number of people who live in the region (approximately 1 in 6 Americans), and the fact that the Northeast is not hurricane-proof.
• The greater Middletown region has also began taking hurricane precautions, including designating Middletown High School as an emergency shelter.
• What makes Sandy “the perfect storm”: it’s expected to merge with a cold front coming from Canada (potentially generating snow and up to 8 inches of rain for some regions), and Sunday is a full moon (meaning higher tides than usual when Sandy hits).

So, how are (non-Floridian) Wesleyan students preparing for the Frankenstorm?

Before you start breaking out the hurricane party vodka or the Spongebob memes, here is a Floridian’s guide to hurricanes:

• Do not go outside no matter what that dumb asshole from down the hall says (“Hey guys, wouldn’t it be fun to go body sledding down Foss during the hurricane?!”).
• But seriously guys, that wind is bat shit cray. DO NOT GO OUTSIDE.
• Don’t even try to drive anywhere in the middle of a hurricane. I don’t know why some peeps think that’s an option.

In all seriousness though, as a Floridian who has dealt with well over a dozen hurricanes (and goodness knows how many tropical storms), all I can tell you is to be smart, be safe, and stay indoors. Keep some non-perishable food (stuff that doesn’t have to be microwaved or heated) and water in your room. Make sure you keep important items easily accessible. Keep all electronics charged in case of a power outage. Keep an eye on weather reports. Lastly, make sure everyone in your hall or house is accounted for.

BRB, waiting for my mom to FedEx my storm provisions.