A Wesleythanksgivleying Salute

Hunkering down on campus? Read this. Don’t read this.

Happy Thanksgiving, Weszzleyan. We encourage you to celebrate the day with an old classic, “Tryptophantasm.” Starring Sam Korda ’13, Solomon Billinkoff ’14, Eliza Forman ’13, and Stephan Stansfield ’13, it’ll have you feeling like you’re suspended in a sea of cranberry sauce for eternity in no time. Though you may feel that way anyway by the time you read this…

Staying on campus over break? Good for you, you studious studier. The Thanksgiving Break dining schedule is your friend. Consult it wisely. There isn’t much food to be had between now and Saturday (both WesWings and Red & Black are also closed until then), but Main Street is only a scant few blocks from your dorm. So is Marco’s Deli. Choose wisely.

Similarly, if you’re planning a Thanksgiving feast alone in your room, The Onion has got you covered:

“I think there might be a few international students sticking around campus, but I don’t really know any of them,” said Calabrese, who decided to refrigerate a slice of the cafeteria’s pumpkin pie for dessert on Thursday. “I should have some extra food to spare, though, in case anyone’s interested in joining me.”

“I’m definitely still going to have a nice little Thanksgiving,” he added of the unbearably grim little day he has planned.

Of course, the library schedule might be more up your alley right now, considering finals are only like two weeks away:

At home for the week? Multiple sources have confirmed your Uncle David is entering your living room as you read this, and he’s already arguing about politics, so head down in time to start regurgitating your favorite lefty talking points before grandpa falls asleep. Wesleying will be slow for the next few days, but we’ll be back on track by Monday. If you’re looking for some place to procrastinate online, I suggest just refreshing CAT BOUNCE over and over and over.

Seriously. Try it.