You may have seen this post about some email shenanigans that took place recently at some obscure, little-known educational institution down the coast from us. You may have read an article or two on the incident. But did you know that it sparked a vigorous debate amongst the Wesleying staff?
The conversation is below. Please keep in mind that reading this is a complete and total waste of time, unless you have really poignant opinions on duck-sized horses or horse-sized ducks.
Zach: This is pretty much really hilarious and if any of you want to do a short post on it you should. That is all.
BZOD: Whoever takes this should include a link to the original article too (link); maybe mention that the dude spells “queue” wrong in the email apology (que is, in fact, the Spanish word for “that”); and probably get a comment from real live NYU students. They made a party out of it too: link. Also this quote: “Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses, or 1 horse sized duck?”
BZOD: Okay, I just found this: link. I’m breaking my abroad-posting moratorium to take this. As one of the most obsessive emailers around, I feel like this is my calling. So yeah, don’t post it anything after all.
Goatmilk: A similar thing happened this year, actually, with people who were late to click their “Enroll Me” button. It is worth mentioning that anarchy ensued.
Solomon: Also, I just realized this, but I went to Camp Eisner with Ben Zweig (NYU Local’s tech editor, as quoted in the article). And I was in a musical adaptation of Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone with him. They re-wrote the lyrics to songs from Newsies and Ben played Harry! I’m not kidding!
BZOD: Well that’s going in my post.
Zach: This kid who started the chain is blowing up all over the internet and gonna be on Jimmy Kimmel now. I contacted him for a quick interview, and BZOD’s writing the post.
BZOD: Max says “This is the best mistake I’ve ever made!” Also, here’s an awesome comment: “totally 100 duck-sized horses. i might shit myself if a horse-sized duck were trying to fight me. terrifying beak situation coming at me. but i could punt some little horses”
pyrotechnics: Yeah, I never thought that was really a difficult dilemma. 100 duck-sized horses is the obvious choice, and for reasons very aptly described.
BZOD: I mean, I still think it depends on the anger of the horses and the quality of their leadership. If they’re angry and well-coordinated, you could find yourself suffering a fate similar to that of Mufasta. You’d be able to direct your attention more thoroughly at a horse-sized duck. Still agree with you and the commenter. Just offering an alternative possibility.
pyrotechnics: Hmmm… well nothing says I can’t use weaponry, so you could make your choice on available armament. If I’ve got a car, I’d rather fight the duck-sized horses and just run them over, but a horse-sized duck could give me a serious fender-bender. But if all I have is a bazooka, definitely going for the large singular target of the horse-sized duck. Tactical access to water would be critical, too, because I could lead a stampede of the duck-sized horses over a cliff into a pond and be better off, whereas that big-ass duck can fly and swim better than I can. Ultimately, though, if it comes down to a bare-knuckled fight in an arena, I’m still gonna go for the duck-sized horses regardless of their tactics and coordination. They can’t fly, and can’t climb up on top of me very easily, so the most likely damage I’ll suffer is some painful bites at my ankles. Which I can handle. A swift kick to the face of a duck-sized horse would probably be enough to knock one or two or three out in a single swing, depending on swarm grouping, and I’m a patient fellow.
Goatmilk: An alternative question: which would you rather have as a pet/personal army (in the case of the horses)?
pyrotechnics: Can I use the duck as a mount? And can it still fly? If so, definitely the duck.
Goatmilk: Bet the horses would be a lot more docile, though I suppose they’re not the best at collective action.
pyrotechnics: I think it’s really that they can’t fly. Flying is awesome.
A-Batte: hi could you take me off this list please thanks
pyrotechnics: There’s literally dozens of buttons in this email chain that allow you to unsubscribe yourself by clicking them.
pyrotechnics: Also, this seems appropriate for this sort of circle-jerk of sarcastic conversation.
BZOD: Yeah, I’m still with you on the army of duck-sized horses. Also worth mentioning is that their teeth are made for chewing grass, whereas the duck’s beak would be like a gigantic vice given its size. As for Goatmilk’s question, I’m with pyrotechnics. Definitely the duck. It would be a bitch to train, but I could probably scare it with the magicks of fire and train it. Then I could use it to swim, fly, or dive at high speeds. It’d basically be like a combination of the best qualities of the Golden Chocobos from Final Fantasy VII (traveling over water) and Final Fantasy IX (flying). It’d be a bitch to keep fed, though.
pyrotechnics: You make an interesting point about the grass-chewing. If we were going for practicality over sheer superiority, one might choose the hundred horses because you wouldn’t need to mow the lawn as much. But who cares about that when you can fucking be riding a horse-sized duck to class? Park that shit outside of PAC.
DMZ: WILD Wes should consider 100 duck-sized-horses alternative to lawn mowers… Do you think the Green Fund would foot the bill?
pyrotechnics: I dunno. Is funding research for that sort genetic mutation technologies considered ecologically ethical?
BZOD: Or you could park your horse-sized duck mount ON TOP of PAC. It’s a pretty nice roof. The top is flat. It’s great for sitting or parking a gigantic bird.
pyrotechnics: Very true. And you wouldn’t have to worry about the locked roof access because the duck could just smash open the door with its colossal beak.
A-Batte: excuse me please i would stil like to be taken off the list is there some one i can ask to be removed thanks
BZOD: Yeah, and if anyone gives you any shit for breaking the door, you have a gigantic duck at your disposal. While I don’t know for certain, I have a feeling that people are much less likely to argue with you when you’re sitting on top of an angry bird.
pyrotechnics: I can confirm that from experience. They feel very awkward. The height differential is what does it, I think.
pyrotechnics: I’m gonna turn this thread into a post. It will be titled “A Post About a Conversation About Posting a Post About Abusing Listserves.” I will refer to everyone who’s emailed here by their Wesleying handle. Any objections?
A-Batte: DO WHATEVER U WANT JUST TAKE ME OFF OF THIS LIST PLEASE THANK U
ecarmi: Hey Mom, do you want me to do this?
BZOD: I am only for this if you also include your email about turning this email into a post for optimal metaness.
tuna: I agree… also.
pyrotechnics: I was planning to do that anyway.
Syed: At some point, we should just turn the blog into a livestream of this listserv.
pyrotechnics: Here’s the post.
UPDATED AFTER POSTING
frostedmoose ’12: I am so horrified and so proud of all of you.
Carlo: +1 frostedmoose
Hermes: I approve of this post.
Waynesworld: Seconded. Also, let’s dance: www.drunkronswanson.com
Zach: I went offline for three hours and Wesleying finally lost it.
Syed: Finally? Also, you were offline?
Zach: pyrotechnics, you love XKCD so much.
pyrotechnics: Yes. Yes I do.
BZOD: XKCD is a beautiful thing and so is that post.