No, this one isn’t named Dory.
For those of you who don’t follow our really awesome Facebook page or Twitter feed (Zach, see what I did there?), I’m gonna hit you with some knowledge: there may be another snowstorm hitting our beloved campus this coming weekend.
You heard me right: More snow. Allegedly. More snowboarding. Perhaps. More tripping and falling on ice. Supposedly. More cancelled classes (at the last second, of course). Apparently. More clusterfucked Usdan. Maybe.
What you need to know about this “storm”:
- It’s only labeled as a “potential” storm system that might not even do much harm to us. So don’t start procrastinating too heavily on that paper just yet.
- If this storm were to hit, it would be on Sunday evening to late Sunday night (“ERMAHGERD HERMES, THIS MEANS CANCELLED CLASSES.” Pipe down, children.).
- Conditions could range from “dry and cold to a major blizzard or nor’easter”. Thank you, weather website, for being specific as usual. Let me try my hand at being a meteorologist: This storm could also bring clouds, sun, bad weather, snow, rain, poor decisions, lots of procrastination, regrets, and alcohol-induced Glee marathons.
- I would like you all to take a look at the picture of the “Arctic Discharge” (an extremely awkward phrase, by the way) and then move your eyes to my darling state of Florida. All that’s there is a shit ton of lightning bolts. Suckers.
- Weather Channel predicts next weekend will be a “windy snow shower” for Middletown. Woot.
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ugh, hermes shut up. you’re annoying and no one wants to hear the cliché things that you deem funny
Hermes is my favorite Wesleying writer. Well, after Zach.
Hey #Haterade, get off anon or shut up.
I’m not anon, my name really is #Haterade
The hashtag is even on my (North Korean) birth certificate
Thankfully, no one was hurt when #Haterade attempted to fire off a (North Korean) witticism. If this quip is your idea of funny, no wonder you don’t enjoy reading Hermes.
Betch, I will cut you
Oh, and next time you accuse someone of being cliche[d], #Haterade, think about using a phrase that isn’t a generic version of “you suck, man.”