It’s the Holiday Season, and with the joyousness of holiday cheer comes the crushing doom of finals week. But don’t worry, Wesleying is here to help. While many of you watch Arrow on Netflix instead of studying for that Comparative Political Astronomy exam, and others just keep putting off that essay about Whippets in Hats to go people-watch at The Nest, only a few of you will actually accomplish something during your procrastination time. But with today’s episode of Procrastination Destination, your procrastination is guaranteed to end in some kind of
tears success. Whether you find a new dorm room design idea, or a holiday gift for your least-favorite sibling/most-cherished pet (or yourself; Merry Christmas to Me!), you will accomplish something while perusing through these decór-licious websites. Don’t want to buy anything you see? No worries, it’s still probably the coolest doohickey or thingamabob you’ve seen all day. And some of these room designs? Paint me purple and call me a grape, because I would… wine.. for a chance to hang out in one of these houses.
Anyway, I hope some of these things actually inspire you to study for finals, because if your bank account looks like mine, you won’t be able to buy anything featured here unless you get a cushy job after graduating… which won’t happen if you fail Basic Mermaid Anatomy.
Yanko Design: Designs to Blow your Socks off
Ok, the first time I went to Yanko Design, I think I stumbled upon it back when stumbleupon was a thing. Basically, here are all the newest things that inventors and designers have put their time and money into, and for the most part it walks a fine line of awesome and out-there. I recommend, from the main page, clicking on the “Random Design” link on the right hand side of the screen.
Just to get you interested, I’ve made a list of a few of my favorite items discovered on Yanko Design. Check it out, along with more lists (yay, it’s just like Buzzfeed!), after the jump.
1. The Bath Sphere. It’s a completely spherical tub. Because the only thing my bath was missing before was guaranteed slipping. When I officially stop exercising (Spoiler Alert: happened 3 months ago!) and start looking like a donut hole with limbs, this will be perfect.
2. Hi-Can: The Canopy that turns your bed into a surround sound movie theater and officially eliminates all reasons to go to class.
3. Clever Cutlery AKA the swiss army knife of middle school cafeterias. A great idea if you wanted the break-apart fun of chopsticks for any meal of country fried steak, and if you can promise yourself you won’t need a spoon after using your
what looks like dentist tools knife and fork. Fun fact: the guy who invented this had baby hands. Fun fact #2: The last fun fact wasn’t a fact at all, but a joke I made up to describe my dissatisfaction with the size of this silverware.
4. The Qua is a children’s night light that provides a child with the sensation of
drowning being in a womb to lull them off to dreamland. Invented by Sirens, this night light is guaranteed to keep your child as happy as a babbling infant well into their teens.
The Qua also emits natural
anesthetic gases humidified air, insuring that your little angel will not awake during passionate lovemaking or post-lovemaking Futurama marathoning. Not sold yet? The design was inspired by America’s favorite Robot-Lady, Celine Dion Eva.
5. Tear and Share USB: As seen stapled to wooden posts along 5th Avenue and Wall Street. This handy tool fits in your wallet like a pixelated condom and is perfect for emergency information downloads, like when your crush leaves you alone with her computer for 3 minutes while she runs to reapply her Pro Cheeks Ultra-Radiant Blush by Dior.
CKIE: Gifts That Seem Like They’re Meant for People Clinging Desperately to Friends
If you already looked through Yanko Design, you probably saw that they advertised for this lovely little gotta-have-it knick knack store, CKIE (I don’t know what it stands for, either). If you don’t have time to look through the website yourself, but need some last-minute gift ideas for your sophisticated step-family, I’ve compiled another awesome list, this time with gift ideas for different people in your life.
For Yourself: Mood Mugs, $16. I recommend “Cheeky Chappie” so that way you can just point to the cup when your grandmother asks, “Have you found a husband yet, sweetheart?”
For your Frat Bro: Bum Bag, $10. Don’t believe what they tell you, this gift is essentially a brown paper bag for only $10 more than you normally spend on brown paper bags. Nothing says, “I love you, bro” like another way to spend exorbitant amounts of money on really silly things.
For your Uncle who has a Gambling Addiction: Wooden Cards, $10. Buy two decks and you can make a canoe! Keep in mind that when using this deck, a Full House must be referred to as a Full Tree-House.
For your Cousin Who’s Going Through that Angsty Stage of Puberty: Grenade Notebook, $20. Because all I want to do with your writing is blow it up.
For your “Dad”: Keyboard Coaster, $20. Ok, so maybe he’s not your real father. Does that mean you shouldn’t get him a gift? Probably, but you are going to anyway, because your mother raised you right. All he does is spend time at the computer doing “work stuff” and drinking gin and tonics, so why not get a gift that represents those things that are just “so Dad”.
Cool Hunting: The Ultimate Website for the Urban, Fashionable Sportsman
So maybe my previous list of awesome gift ideas didn’t work for you. No problem, this is where Cool Hunting comes in! Check out the website yourself or, for you less-committed procrastinators, check out my handy gift list sorted by…budgets!
Budget of $500-$10,000 (Holy Rolling in Doe!)
- Psychic Stone, $800. No description is better than the one they provide:
“FriendsWithYou’s psychic stones are magical sculptures tailored to the owner’s deepest wishes and desires. Create a customized extra-sensory miracle-worker through a consultation with the artists, who use an experiential process to permeate the stone with personalized spiritual vibes. Stunning works of art, these pieces display a frozen moment of magical mysticism and ward off evil vibes.”
- Arcade Game Table, $4,000. You know you’ve made it when you use a computer/tv screen to hold your bean dip.
- Cactus Coat Stand, a whopping $7,540. That coat stand better wash my coats as it hold them for that amount of money.
Budget of 100-$500: A little more reasonable. But seriously, you could buy a thousand packets of Ramen with that money. Get your loved ones a smaller gift, and get your blood a little closer to becoming salt.
- Deer Antler Beer Tap, $475. Perfect for your hipster friend or your hunter friend. Either way, they’ll be drinking Pabst.
- iMac Aquarium, $299. Holy iMackerel, this is perfect for my iFish! (iFish are better than normal fish because they…..because….it’s just what the media tells me, ok?!)
- Facebook Like-Counter, $390. Not recommended for people who aren’t confident they can get past the first two digits. If you don’t get past the first two digits, this product puts you at risk for feeling depressed and socially isolated, and may even lead to you questioning your priorities. People who are likely to post about how unfair their life is should see a doctor before purchasing. Side effects include making lame jokes at parties and spending too much money on dumb presents.
Budget of 0-$100: This is probably where most of you are hanging out. Because of that, I dug extra deep and found some especially cool gift ideas for all you broke go-getters out there!
- Star Spangled Spatula, $65. Nothing is more American than flipping burgers, except when you flip burgers with the literal symbol of the USA.
- Bamboo Bread Knife, $12. It’s better than other bread knives because bamboo. You know how nothing is better than sliced bread? Wrong! Nothing is better than bamboo-knife sliced bread. Say 5 times fast.
- Dinosaur iPhone stand, $15. For complete effect, download Jurassic Park T-rex roar as a ringtone.
- Breaking Bad stickers, $5. Cheapest thing on the list! Also the most trendy.
- A Blue Gnome that is Flipping You Off, $56. This is a great gift for a grandparent.
- A Grasshopper Stapler, $18. How adorable! Doubles as a middle school art project.
- Campfire Colone, $15. I love my men smelling of smoke and lichen. Not recommended for men who aren’t ready to fight a grizzly bear at a moments notice.
There are a lot of other great things on Cool Hunting, like a slinky made out of gold (fun and exorbitant!) and a Lamp-in-a-Box (didn’t even know I wanted that, but I do), so procrastinate away here.
Also, check out these other amazing websites that feature designs and interiors that are sure to take hours to sift through:
Room Envy: All the places you wish you were living instead of your dreary Butts single. It’s a British site, so you know it’s good (+ maybe you’ll see a royal baby).
…Or, if you are graduating this year and planning on moving to New York, purchase this Tricycle House AKA the only living arrangement you can afford.
And with that, I leave you to embark on your own procrastination journey.