Yes, I know, we all feel really fucking old.
Breaking news: Some of the youngsters of the class of 2018 (yes, meaning most of them were born in 1996) have been accepted to Wes through Early Decision, and they are now officially part of the Wesleyan community. Holla at all the prefrosh who are reading this post, and welcome to the Bestleyan.
As usual, however, no one really cares about the actual members of the class; we’re all in it for the WesAdmits 2018 page (which does in fact exist already!). Prefrosh who are reading this: Save yourself some awkwardness when you get to campus and know your WesAdmits etiquette.
- About 70% of the upperclassmen on WesAdmits are totally trolling the shit out of you. When they say really random things things like, “All Wesleyan dorms are being equipped with froyo machines next year!”, they’re expecting you to be gullible. Last year one of my friends convinced an entire group of freshmen that Summerfields was getting a Starbucks express line.
- Don’t talk about all the other colleges you were going to apply to. You got into Wesleyan ED; those other colleges don’t mean anything now. Stop trying to impress everyone with how you were going to apply to Brown ED but didn’t because you were too authentic for that Ivy League life.
- Don’t post pictures of you holding your acceptance letter on WesAdmits. Some weird upperclassmen will turn it into their Facebook cover photo. Plus it just looks awkward.
- Do NOT for the love of all that is Wesleyan friend request everyone in the WesAdmits Facebook group. It’s been two years since I got into Wesleyan, and to this day, every time my friends and I see the kid from my class year who friended 350+ Wes ED classmates back in December 2011, someone yells, “That’s the dude who friended all the people on WesAdmits!”
That said, for those of you who want to be WesAdmits famous (and therefore become “that kid” on campus in nine months), here are some tips:
- Have a really distinctive Facebook name. Why be “John Smith” when you can be “John GetInMahBellaaaayyyyyyyy Smith”?
- Post on every single thread that ever pops up ever because you need to show everyone how extremely awesome and cultured and hipster and Wesleyan you are.
- Start a thread called “Fave music?” and post all of your favorite experimental underground 1960s Swedish folk techno-pop bands to let everyone know how spot on your music taste is.
- Make repeated obnoxious/cliché How I Met Your Mother references (“OMG, there r 2 ppl named Marshall n Lily in wesadmits! They should totes get married! hhahahhhahha”).
- Ask about housing assignments every five seconds even though it’s December and ResLife gives no fucks about any of you right now (back when I got in ED, the class of 2016 started a roommate matchup thread on WesAdmits in, like, January…#neveragain).
- Better yet, tell everyone on multiple WesAdmits threads how badly you want to live in WestCo for the great community living, the fact that MGMT lived there, and the creative vibe.
Obviously none of the prefrosh will heed my warnings, so go forth, kids, and enjoy being kinda sorta in college! And kudos once again!