Hello. President Michael Roth is about to give a talk in the Chapel. Which I checked this morning for Wifi. Update: It has Wifi. Thank god. And we’re giving our loyal readers a treat: Wesleying is drunk-sober-high live blogging Roth’s talk. p-safe will be sober. gettincrunkman will be drunk. giantepgoynte will be high. Hilarity shall ensue. Bye.
SINGING OFF BYE BYE HAPPY CHRISTMAS
OMG GUYS IT WAS FUN WE ARE GOING TO GO EAT FOOD IN DA PRESENCE OF ROTH
okay signing off now bye
THE CLAPPING HE’S DONE TALKING TIME TO EAT TIME TO EAT OMG HE SHOULD HAV ESTARTED HIS TALK WITH “THERE’S FOOD AND DRINK OVER THERE” NOT ENDED IT
THEY CLAPPIN
666 IS THE NUMBER OF THE DEVIL
Michael Roth was born in 1957
1+5+9+7=21
2+1=3
3×2=6
THERE’S FOOD
‘are u disappointed there aren’t more wesleyan students at this speech?’
…
‘i’m grateful for those who came’
…
lol but half of da wes students here are DRUNK AND CRUNKMAN
He says ” I’m glad any came at all ” good response roth
roth is quote unquote delighted with how many students arrived to listen to his speech (is he delighted that 2+ of them are on substances)
“are you sad more wes students aren’t at this speech” ohh ahahaha
u go, girl w/ tissues, i love ’em
GIRL W/ TISSUES HAS SOME FUCKING AWESOME GLASSES
girl with tissues in front of me is whispering v passionately to person next to her
~B00ZE~
~T3QU1L4 IZ G00D~
Everyone go look up nipsters NAZI HIPSTERS. you will not be disappointed.
“it’s harder with Nazi’s” I didn’t pay attention to the first part of that so…
nazies make it hard
b00z3
he slipped the glass of water/childs blood because this question is so long
can someone explain to me how this talk has a political element because i’don’t’get’it
UPDATE I FIGURED OUT HOW TO UPLOAD PICTURES
my friend’s mom (a wes alum) is here, i went home with them for thanksgiving, i wonder if she knows i’m ~~~drunk as fuck~~~
how do u upload photos onto this thing i’m the sober one how do you guys know what you’re doing
HE HAS THE LEGS OF A BABY SEA LION
don’t he look like a cute lil chipmunk http://wesleying.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Roth.jpg
roth answering questoins
roth the sloth omg it rhymes
OH ARE THE SIMILARITIES A COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT
DID U GUYS SEE THIS HES A SLOTH
omg this student is talking srsly about wesleyan like lol why aren’t u sitting up here drunk w us liveblogging ???????? it’s more fun this way????????
AW WHAT A LOVE STORY LOVE YOU TO GETTIN CRUNK SIR
also so is giantepgoynte even though i don’t understand ur username
WE DONT CARE ARE U A VAMPIRE STOP STALLING
strawberry fields forever @gettincrunkman
im sober so u can believe me
p-safe xoxo your’e my favorite
talking about liberal education in different types of schools
giantepgoynte is making 2 many hand motions at us
omg he’s talking about fields, are they soccer fields or football fields or educational fields
the ra is gone, high guy should ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~chillaxxxxxxx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I think I see what you mean”- Roth, PS HE DOESNT SEE WHT YOU MEAN
confirming the sexiness of the aforementioned voice @gettingcrunkman noted
wtf is wrong w me
THE RA WHO WROTE ME UP IS SO CLOSE GET READY TO PERISH
someone is asking a q and has a very deep voice, bet roth is turned on by its pure manly sexiness
Talking about what Free Speech is about balanced against being sensitive and checking your privilege ok tow the line mmmmhmhmm turning me on
psa: my fav thing is typing morth its not a typo
my computer has 69% battery lol
Roth sign our asses please
“who can be holier than the next guy”
no ones holier than u morth
i don’t have his book but maybe roth will sign my ass
HES A SLOTH NOT A VAMPIRE
Michael Roth
HES MAKING FUN OF THE WESLEYAN SNAPPING THING OK STOP
what the fuck is happening, roth is like fucking clacking or something he’s like snapping it sounds sensual
roth is snapping at his own comments now???
racist or homophobic language, now where did that come from???????????
What a time to be alive
roth is talking abt free speech now
we live in a world where this exists
” a great majority of people are actually afraid to speak their minds” – mroth
excuse me have u seen the fighting couples in usdan
i want a $.69 burrito from weshop
Talking about disagreeing with professors and the consequences and I bet you did cuz you’re SMART OK WE GET IT OK
omg we are totes hilar
roth’s eyebrows are higher than @giantepgoynte
Exclusive photo of Roth at the gym!!!!!!!!!
@gettingcrunkman http://wesleying.org/2015/02/01/getting-yoked-with-president-roth/
THE ANSWER IS YES OK
wait people are actually asking questions, wow, surprise
Someone asked if Roth is a vampire
HE JUST FINISHED AND SIPPED A DRINK IS IT WATER OR WINE INVESTIGATING OK
question time
he’s done, the applause is thundrous, but i’m mostly drunk, now he’s asking for questions,
cALPPING
i actually probably haven’t looked at roth one time but goddamn it looks like he would have abs *drools*
roth is doing that hand thing that elementary school kids do at their desks to get a gold star
grandious
“Liberal education in the us has been a resource to Americans looking to combat social inequality”
He is in his closing very grandious ending GET TO THE POINT ABOUT IT OK
“delight in inquiry” -morth
kinky
@giantepgoynte (a) i don’t understand ur username (b) roth is 2 parts vampire one part chipmunk
Roth moves his hands in a funny way WHY ARE YOU MOCKING ME TINY MAN
has anyone ever noticed how roth emphasizes the wrong words
it’s so cute how he’s talking about the benefits of college students and three college students are in the balcony, two of which are high or drukn, like lol roth do u really know who u are advocating for????????? xo
LIKE ROTH ARE YOU A VAMPIRE YOU ARE RIGHT
The lady came up here before it started and said “come down if you need to ask questions at the end” DONT THINK WE SHOULD BE ASKING QUESTIONS
“after a certain amount of time you’re going to have to acquire the qualities that other people find valuable” sounds two faced mroth u phony
i think he’s almost done but i don’t remember him starting
UPDATE high guy is good at me me finding
oh wait is he almost done
HE’S SPEAKING HIS FANIL WORDS AND I’M STILL ON CAPS LOCK :-( I’M GONNA MIS ROTHG
gettincrunkman: *points at most recent post and whisper yells* ITS THE ADAMS FAMILY
OH RIGHT ITS A SCOTTISH CURLER
WHO IS THAT
Vicki Adams
DA DA DA DUM CLAP CLAP DA DA DA DUM CLAP CLAP DA DA DA DUM, DA DA DA DUM, DA DA DA DUM CLAP CLAP THEY’RE CREEPY AND THEY’RE SPOOKY MYSTERIOUS AND COOKY
Sam Adams
on a similar note does anyone know what the s in michael s roth stands for wikipedia doesn’t say
“we fetishize independence” – michael s roth
John Adams
apparently
Other famous Adams:
WHO IS JANE ADAMS
we fetishize indepence
was jane adams on the adams family clap clap … clap clap
gettingcrunkman just googled jane adams
no he’s back on white men you were so close
what the fuck, piano?
oh roth just mentioned jane adams s/o to the white ladies you’re getting closer buddy
“the hardest thing is understanding why someone disagrees with us” JUST THROW A PIANO AT THEM
who is jane adams isn’t she tequila?
update the talk is boring just buy his book http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-University-Liberal-Education-Matters/dp/0300175515
the best thing abt anonymous liveblogging is that i dont have to worry about fixing typos because nobody knows the face behind the sloppy typist!!!!
HE TOOK HIS COAT OFF UPDATE RIPPLING AB ALERT
update: roth joking abt interscetionalyity
something bout intersectionality
update: usdan was good tonight, pastabilities guy said “go head” and i got ~spaghetti~
“she created a whole network of ppl who would take their talents and put them in the” shoot i lost the rest of the sentence i can’t transcribe quickly enough
roth just almost took off his coat, high guy would’ve been able to check and see if roth has abs
does roth have daddy issues, omg we are here for u roth
MY FEELINGS 38 MINUTES IN
oh ain’t nobody care about london
IS SMITH A PERSON OMG
“The most powerful father is a dead father” DADDY ISSUES MUCH AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
“one day she’s walking down the street in london i think and she’s about to cross the road”
NOW WE’RE TALKING ABOUT A STREET IN LONDON, OH THINGS ARE SPICING UP
ITS A COLLEGE JK
He is talking about someone going to Smith and there father doesn’t want them to. Is Smith a person
this is a story about someone’s dad who dies after he tells his daughter something about going to Smith (all i know about Smith is that arianna huffington gave the commencement in 2013 and sounded so supremely GREEK)
“and then she goes to smith”
“she’s very destroyed by this and very angry, angry. and then her father dies” i should have paid attention to the beginning of this story
I WILL LOL WITH YOU
high dude is ~~~~~swaying~~~~~
the audience just lolled but i was too drunk to lol too
gettincrunkman points to his most recent post on my screen everytime he sends one
i bet roth reads cosmo
ROTH WHEN PPL COMPLAINED ABOUT NO SNOW DAY
rt @p-safe
is this an inappropriate space to use to subtweet ppl who bother me @mroth78
Roth is telling like a story about history like no one cares we wanna know if u read cosmo or not UGHHHH
term rwymts with spprm which is a GREEK WORD did u know that that beautiful goddess aphrodite was born from her father’s genitals in the foam of a sea (the word for foam is aphros)
roth talking about a “beautiful forest” that’s got “the scars of human intervention”
roth just gave a s/o to north carolina if that matters to anybody
update i’m a shitshow and i’ve got a latin quiz tmrw omg :-(
Term rhymes with SPERM AHAHAHAHA
term? is that a word? i thought that was a time
when roth goes uh duh uh uh duh
roth almost forgot his third term he was like “my third term is … um … cooperate” but the joke is on him because i ~absolutely forgot his first and two terms~
how the people in the front row feel RIGHT NOW
kinda want roth’s glasses, they would prob make me look smexy
shoutout to @lkherman for da ~tweet~ about us
high guy done fucked up and lost the post goddammit
roth
s/o to the person livetweeting the liveblog via @wesleying
Roth is like
“ignite ur spirit” -morth
Ben Franklin dissed Harvard Roth Just did to OOOHH BURN OOO
if u want real notes on this experience u should be following p——safe
@giantepgoynte marriage is just a social construct love is LOVE
roth is saying something about college
i am blessed to be in the presence of giantepgoynte
I CAN’T
when you realize that President Roth is married and you can’t love him
frederick douglass read ~da bible~ and had ~a mistress~ wow, roth is teaching me ~history~, didn’t he get a phd in ~HISTORY~ oh wait it was from ~princeton~ so ain’t nobody ~kare about it~
SHOUTOUT THE AMERICAN STUDY PROFESSORS OK WE LOVE YOU BOO BOO
he said something about American Study Professors
first woman mentioned tonight: frederick douglass’s mistress
Talking about Slavery and Thomas Jefferson what is this talk about anymore
if u guys could witness the high guy looking up memes
do u understand why high and guy rhyme
i don’t
oh he’s reading off an ipad now to illustrate that ~small liberal arts colleges~ support ~technology in the classroom~
roth is praying to da lord, but ain’t he jewish?????
i just wish mroth opened his speech with kerry washington that would grab my attention u feel me
walker was jeffersonian. somehow i don’t kare
“we white people” – mroth
so @p-safe now white men are talking bout black men, but somehow it doesn’t feel much better update @p-safe is showing me fucking emails about stars
oh david walker was apparently a free black living in new england
BASICALLY THE SUMMARY IS ROTH LOVES JEFFERSON OK FINE ILL POST MEMES OF HIM THEN
i don’t know what roth is talking about who tf is david walker
brb doing my fgss readings while ignoring roth
when he gets excited he sounds like a young child who discovered santa claus
i’m hot as hell, my sensitive southern skin can’t handle this shit
btw @giantepgoynte: yes 2 mozz sticks
omg giantepgoynte i don’t even understand your username
he said a bunch of words with “garchy” at the end of it I LIKE THOSE WORDS PS
‘sprinkle in a few poor people to make them feel more… well rounded.”
it’s not jefferson the hypocrite that is important, it’s jefferson the vision of education
i thought we were going to talk about destroying education why are we talking about jefferson why
LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS
i’m so so so SO over white men talking abt white men in their white men speeches
i’m a touchy feely drunk, i want to touch the bald head of the guy that introduced roth
“The goal is not to end up as a minister or scientist, or general. The goal is inquiry of self” BRB IM BLUSHING
jefferson went to harvard and roth went to wesleyan, ok
gettincrunkman is a touchy feely drunk and my thigh is worried
DONT MIND IF I DO
@p-safe noted
He has a face that makes me feel at home
hey p-safe and giantepgoynte do y’all want to go get mozzarella sticks @ latenite after this
If we have to rate him on a 1 to 10 scale what do we say cuz he is cute maybe like 7/8
just noticed girl in front of me brought a box of tissues
Every time Roth says Institution, or Higher, or Education TAKE A SHOT
i’m bored
“let’s not b harvard” – mroth
1. liberate 2. adamate 3. cooperate 4. instigate
roth is being humble about why there are only four point things and now he’s talking about thomas jefferson wow i’ve been to mount vernon have you?
Just gave Thomas Jefferson the cosign
gettingcrunkman just stroked my elbow to get my attention and i was trying to type and i’m v uncomfortable
“the american dream that education should be a vehicle not for privieglege but for change”
“I want to sketch for you that history the american dream” OMG TALK DIRTY TO ME MICHAEL
btw when i went to the pisser i realized whilst i was stumbling that i’m still drunklkkkkkkkk~~~~~
taking selfies during the talk
i don’t even know what he’s talking about
he has disappeared from my limited field of vision
ROTH PRONOUNCES THE E IN ACADEMIA
He is mic-ed but no MIC IS VISIBLE. Will investigate
why is roth going to school????? why?????????? WHY~~~~??????
its slick and tight it looks like hes got ripping abs under that gucci suit
the balcony is fucking hot
wow just realized i was supposed to be paying attention to the things coming out of roths mouth
Can we just talk about Roths suit
omg this is emotionally trying and taxing i’m bored
He’s trying to sound humble right now ugh so sexy
roth is blurry
roth just said i’m gonna major in history psychology and theory except it sounded like i’mgonnamajorinhistorypsychologthry
He said a bunch of words very fast why
Here Roth goes
roth is like lol firstgen
he’s far away on the stage thing but his microphone is so loud i can hear him in my brain
update everything came out okay
update 2 that was a long walk to the basement of the chapel for not very much
update 3 roth is here
yeah right like i’m going to clap for you mroth
THE RA JUST GAVE ME A DIRTY LOOK. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL ON ME HERE SOCERESS
I really don’t like PitBull
Something about Pitbull I think
old white guy is still talking.
i’m so bored why do i have to be sober for this
they are literally just putting him on such a pedestal now. WE NO U R SMART ROTH OK
i can already feel the friendship developing between us. sober/drunk/high does something to a relationship
they just laughed when he said he hadn’t finished a book AHAHAHAHA you failure they said
gonna go pee brb
i gotta pee
Can’t think of any others WILL GET BACK TO YOU
bald guy is saying mroth went to princeton gag
Other famous Roth’s:
Tim Roth
Phillip Roth
i can feel myself getting less drunk, someone bring a flask to the balcony
i can’t stop giggling people on substances make me so happy
ROTH-Y THE SNOW MAN AHAHA
i actually can’t look at giantepgoynte rn
i think he’s about to post one of a snowman
high guy has a shit ton of photos of m roth open on google images, this is important
did i spell montesquieu right
oh this guy is talking about his syllabus omg i’m not in class i don’t care about montesquieu
THIS GUY IS BALD HES SO BALD
is using baldness as a descriptor a form of discrimination
he said Roth used to be skinnier Aahahahahahahaha truth
this bald guy said he used to have red hair
GINGERS HAVE NO SOUL
“he was a freshman here at wesleyan. I was a member of the history department. A lonely instructor.” Sounds like Adam Sandlers next movie
@gettincrunkman: roth isn’t a pronoun
he has a high pitched voice kind of like mine (goddammit mom stop making fun of me for my high voice)
there is an old person talking now. WHO IS HE WHAT HAS HE DONE
people are clapping for the man who entered the stage. he’s bald! you expect us to believe this is mroth?
it’s beginning, there’s some guy introducing me i mean roth i forget what pronouns are
and we’re off folks
in the unlikely event of an emergency fire exits can be found behind you or on either side of me
roth hasn’t started talking about that book thing yet and it’s fucking 7 after 7
casually checking emails while mroth still decides to show up late to his own party. what a diva.
PS the RA who wrote me up moved behind me. Target is in sight.
i was using gender neutral pronouns to preserve anonymity but it got to be too much
why does the high one like paul ryan (ps i can never remember his username)
My mother asked me what I was doing later. This is why no one loves me.
p-safe has chocolate in her shirt
i just found chocolate in my shirt
I wanna just post Paul Ryan memes. love Paul Ryan
classic mroth being fashionably late to the podium
my last post has a de-anonymizing factor if you look hard enough for it xo
did i post about how we’re all class of ’18 up here xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo
i have 84% battery on my macbook and something% BAC so let’s make this work
p-safe just asked if the wesleying address ended with .edu IT DOES NOT SPOILER
GIANTEPGOYNTE JUST SAID HE LOOKS LIKE HE STOLE SOMEONE’S FACE AND PUT IT ON HIS OWN FACE I CAN’T DEAL WITH ANYTHING ANYMORE
i gotta find a pic of chipmunk roth
do i go to wesleying university (it autocorrected to weaseling) or wesleyan university
the podium is so small… but aren’t we all in this life?
mroth stood back up
ROTH IN SUIT ROTH IN SUIT
Update an RA who wrote me up earlier this year is in our row.
roth sometimes looks like a chipmunk
mroth sat down
mroth mingling with one limp hand on his left side
i see roth
THE MAN OF THE HOUR HAS WALKED IN
y’all are posting ab me
gettincrunkman is having some real trouble getting numbers here
gettingcrunkman: I PRESSED ADD NEW CONTACT FOUR TIMES
gettingcrunkman: oH NO cancel cancel cancel done done cancel cancel
sober drunk high ppl bonding and exchanging phone numbers. the other two r not doing it rite
update: the drunk-high-sober gang are exchanging numbers
CLASS OF ’18 REPRESENT IN THE BALCONY OF THE CHAPEL
i bet he won’t give me my diploma
roth is going to hate us
gettincrunkman can’t stop giggling even tho nothing has happened yet
As I was walking into the chapel I saw a women with a clicker and said “oh shit I need tickets for this right.” She just stared. God Bless America y’all
WE ARE HAVIN’ FUN
I AM DRUNK
I AM HIGH
update: gained visual on mroth on way to urination facilities. last scene man-chuckling in a conference room
we are a shitshow btw can i say shit show ???
what the fuck is the high guy’s name even
pre-roth talk bathroom break, brb.
so let me tell you about to night: i boozedanned
high friend just texted “how to i get to balcony?” also ze just used hir verbs wrong in a previous group message
where’s our highhihighhi frined? where’s roth? where’s everyone? why am i on the balcony of the chapel
By the way, hi, I’m getting crunk man, also known as gettincrunkman, omg, high. hi. high. hi?
where’s roth and his dimply smile omg
So, p-safe checking in here. giantepgoynte is getting “high as we spoke see u soon”
We interrupt our regularly scheduled broadcasting to announce that ~GETTIN CRUNK MAN IS DRUNK~
MY LEGS FEEL LONG
HAHAHAHA CLUB GOIN’ UP ON A TUESDAY
OMG
love u all, bye, xoxo, roth is a chipmunk, bye, xoxo