Best of WesMaps: I’m Graduating, Good Luck Assholes Edition

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Pre-reg starts this Monday, and if you’re anything like me, you wouldn’t touch that shit with a ten-foot pole. For many Wesleyan students, myself not among them, course registration is a time of thoughtful reflection on academic challenges past and eager preparation for those still to come, none of which I will be performing ever again. As another spring semester draws to its bittersweet close, many of you have begun to think about the mark you want to leave on this university, setting goals I never achieved and making plans to earn a degree that will almost definitely not get me a job. There’s no telling what the future holds, but one thing’s for certain, and that’s my presence anywhere other than this campus.

The registrar recently announced the redesign of a course selection system I can say with utmost certainty I will never use again. It features a new planning page with separate categories for POI requests, courses ranked for scheduling, courses you’re somehow already registered in, and all the classes you would take if you had the guts to pursue your art instead of playing it safe with that Econ major. Students can rank courses in a single column rather than the utterly perplexing two-column setup which, let’s be honest, none of us knew how to use. POI courses no longer need to be ranked, a development that should come as a surprise to all the faculty advisors who never knew they did.

Other highlights include a planning calendar that is of absolutely no future use to me and an advising dashboard offering constant painful reminders of how many semesters you’ll still be here. Drop-down menus make it easier for you to change crosslisting, grading mode, and GenEd designation and easier for me to get the hell out of Dodge. Students can now select multiple sections of a single course, as if anyone would ever want to do that to themself.

Advisors will also be able to un-finalize and re-finalize their advisees’ pre-reg plans. Wouldn’t that have come in handy when you ruined my fall schedule, Joel.

The dark angels over at the registrar’s office have compiled the above information into a handy list complete with screenshots of each new development for all the idiots who don’t know how to use a computer. They’ll also be holding information sessions next Monday from 1-2pm in PAC 001, Wednesday from 5-6:30pm in Usdan 110, and Thursday from 4-5:30 in Shanklin 107. I will not be in attendance. If you were hoping you might see me there, prepare to have those hopes dashed. If you were thinking of asking what classes I’m taking next semester, THINK AGAIN.

Seeing as the title of this post promises the “best” of WesMaps, I suppose I should at least let you know what you’re getting into with this liberal arts nonsense. Here at Wesleying we like to pick out the strangest/silliest/liberal-artsiest course titles for your viewing pleasure. What is a mobility? Why was the 19th century so damn long? I can’t answer that for you. But I can make fun of any professor that tries to make a pun about molecular biophysics.

Here’s a sampling of the serious academic courses on offer next semester. The bidding starts at $48,704:

And since you nerds love your CHUM themes so much, here are next year’s topics for courses in the Center for the Humanities:

Fall 2015: Matter that Matters? Interrogating New Materialisms
Spring 2016: “Comparison” as a Mode of Inquiry in the Post-Comparative World

Wow. What a treat a liberal arts education can be. I’ll leave you to it.

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