THESISCRAZY 2015: The “””Procrastination””” (Sex) Edition

481771_10151224732529870_761889112_nSo there’s that thing about Wesleyan being the horniest college, right? Well, part of that reputation might come from the fact that when busy seniors decide to pursue a year-long research project (re: thesis), most of them get a personal carrel in which to study/research/reach academic enlightenment. And when students hear about this simultaneously public and private space, the next question is easy: Have you had sex in it?

Thanks to a 1995 article from the Argus, it’s been a THESISCRAZY thing to ask you if you’ve been doing the boopity boop in your confined academic spaces. So if you’re a 2015er scrambling to wrap up what’s been a two-semester process, you received a survey a couple weeks ago about how you’ve been spending your time in your (or someone else’s) carrel. Out of the 97 carrel-having people doing theses this year, 33% responded to this bangin’ survey.

Let’s just say people really know how to get busy in their carrels. Find the results after the jump!

Have you ever had sex in your carrel? Yes: 29% (Another 25% expressed intent.)

Highlights:

“No. My carrel is potentially the least sexy place on campus. I also bet it hasn’t been disinfected since the 4th floor addition was built.”

“I soon realized after working in my carrel (on the 4th floor of Olin), that with the skylight you can see into people’s carrels at night because the light reflects off of the skylight. I haven’t done it, but I think daytime sex would be the best option in my case.”

“No but I’ve definitely revenge masturbated.”

“I’ve long considered “being overcome with despair” and “uncontrollable weeping” a sex act, so yes.

Do you suspect others are having sex in their carrels? Yes: 83%

Highlights:

“Well when I knocked on my neighbor’s door asking for a condom, she gave me my flavor of choice and four lube sample packs so I’m gonna say yes!”

“Duh. It’s hot. It’s legendary”

“I hear more typing and crying than sex having. 4th floor Olin is a sad place.”

“Please, this is Wesleyan. I’m sure that some people have had more sex in their carrel than actual work.”

How do you procrastinate in your carrel?

“I eat bagel chips and hummus while feeling self-conscious that my chewing is echoing around the library.”

“On good days, by watching Netflix on low volume with subtitles. On bad days, by curling up underneath the desk and praying my thesis finishes itself.”

“I try to trick the motion detecting lights into thinking that there is no one in my carrel by staring at the wall and being as motionless as I can. They take about 15 minutes to shut off, fyi.”

hotguysandbabyanimals.com seriously, if you dig dudes or baby animals or both, it’s a must.”

“It’s gotten so bad that I’ve regressed to my middle school-era procrastination tactic: playing Snood.”

What’s the weirdest/most out of place object in your carrel?

“I have a picture of Alex Vause on the wall for inspiration.”

“A dead desk plant named Stella.”

“My late cat’s ashes.”

“My sixth grade report card. It has some great, motivating feedback on my academic work that I’d like to think still applies.”

“A small map of the United States…and a decorative scarf with ducks on it.”

Stories?

“One Tuesday at 1am in a fit of delirium I was overcome by a wave of crushing loneliness and tried to climb into the carrel next to me, but fell on my chair and sprained my wrist.”

“Someone tried to surprise me with study snacks by throwing some packs of yogurt into my carrel through the open ceiling. Sadly, this was around the time of the first snowstorm, so I didn’t get the surprise until 3 days later when I found 5, very unrefrigerated containers of yogurt exploded on the carpet. Smelled like sour ass for a week but shoutout to the person who did that–you know who you are–I’m not trying to shame you, I really do believe it’s the thought that counts.”

“One time a girl knocked on my door and asked if all of these doors were locked because it meant people were using them. I then had to explain what thesis carrels were to an underclassman.”

“One night, at approximately 1am, it was raining, which is sometimes nice, but the roof of the 4th floor makes it sound like the apocalypse is causing hell to rain down on Earth. Being surrounded by the sounds of Satan’s ocean combined with my state of total bewilderment over trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing, I had a moment where I became convinced that I had unlocked the secrets of the universe. Turns out I probably didn’t, but for about 7 minutes, I felt really successful.”