Wesleying Food Critics: We Taste-Tested All the Coffee on Campus

If you’re like any typical college student, you need caffeine to survive. If not, you’re amazing and I applaud you. Personally, if I don’t drink coffee on the #reg, I get headaches and start hating life in general.

Naturally, I have sampled coffee all over campus. This list is my own opinion, and does not imply anything beyond that—if you disagree with me, don’t worry. We can either agree to disagree, or you fight me on the steps of Olin.

Below the cut is my definitive coffee ranking, from best to worst coffee on campus:

Espwesso: Best coffee and best atmosphere. Not always conductive to doing work because sometimes the baristas play Bangerz. It’s v hard to write an essay when someone is bumping Beyonce remixes!! Most importantly though, their coffee menu is beautiful and simple and classic. It’s open late so you can grab a drink even if you’re struggling with work. Sometimes someone will make a pattern in the foam of your cappuccino. Also the drip coffee is FREE if you bring a cup! 5/5 stars I love it.

Red & Black: Not only do they have good sugary coffee drinks (although I’ve only tried the mocha), but their plain coffee is pretty good, both hot and iced. It’s smooth and doesn’t tend to have that burnt flavor that a lot of coffee dispensers tend to have. I will never complain about downing R&B coffee in the mornings when I’m rushing to finish a response before class.

WesWings: Similar to R&B’s, but Swings’ coffee tastes a lot smokier—in a good way. My housemate and I agree that the smokey flavor of the coffee is very different than the burnt flavor of some other places on campus (coughcoughPIcough). It always balances out the sweetness of a cup of strawberries and the taste of pleasure-regret u get from eating a pail. Definitely deserves a bronze medal.

Usdan: It’s, like, campus coffee, man. It’s drinkable. Average. A little burnt. Good caffeine boost before going to class. Arguably, the coffee in the dispensers upstairs is slightly better than the coffee at Usdan Cafe. Except for the decaf, which is nasty. However, sometimes the Usdan Cafe has weird coffee flavors (like pumpkin spice or hazelnut??), which is cool.

Pi Cafe: Pi, I’m so sorry. Pi has so much potential. It’s the main coffee spot on campus. Literally everyone you know works there. During my first year here, a trip to Pi with my friends before our 9am class was a beloved routine. But Pi’s brand new Starbucks-inspired interior cannot fix the taste of its horrible coffee. Pi coffee is burnt and rubbery, and I noticed that it somehow manages to taste even more burnt in the afternoon. Last year I had to load up a cup with milk, sugar, and cinnamon just to hide the awful taste of Pi coffee… and it was still bad. Even the speciality drinks aren’t good. The last time I didn’t finish a mocha was at Pi. I fucking love my mochas, man, I thought no one could mess those up!! And yet somehow even coffee full of chocolate and Nutella doesn’t taste good at Pi. I’ll always go back for a vegan yogurt or a chocolate croissant, though. It’s not you, Pi, it’s your coffee.