Procrastination Destination: Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s Fox News Interviews

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Some people watch TV or Netflix or random Youtube clips for the instant gratification that these forms of procrastination provide. You get to be brain dead for a couple of minutes or hours, almost hypnotically transported from the sweaty, nightmarish, hell-scape of your work (maybe that’s just me). The pure pleasure that you get is almost unmatched. This is the way I feel when I watch Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert go on various Fox News programs (usually it’s Bill O’Reilly).

Take this video of Stephen Colbert entering the No-Spin Zone (lol) for the first time in 2007.  While Jon Stewart actually attempts to engage O’Reilly in serious conversation, it’s almost comical the lack of fucks Stephen Colbert gives about this interview. It’s a serious drought of fucks. It’s a situation so devoid of fucks, it almost makes you nervous for Bill O’Reilly, who definitely gives a fuck, and does not quite understand how to act in a situation where very little fucks are required for entry.

A couple of the best quotes:

* “I’m here at the heart of O’Reilly-dom, this is the holy of holies, hit me, I’d love to be nailed.”

* “What I do is I catch the world in the headlights of my justice. I shine that light no matter where it takes me, I’m not afraid of anyone… I might be afraid of you.”

* “I improvise the show as I go along, just like you do Bill, there’s nothing in these prompters we’re just making it up as we go along.”

*I want to bring your message of love and peace to a younger audience. People in their 50’s, people in their 60’s, people who are too young for your show.”

* “You have to be high to understand Jon Stewart. That guy’s pinker than an indian river grapefruit.”

* O’Reilly: “So I heard you’re afraid of bears and owls.”

Colbert: “I”m afraid of bears, they’re marauding, godless, killing machines. I think owls are a waste of time.”

So, a clip titled “Jon Stewart Exposes Bill O’Reilly’s stupidity on Bill’s Show?” Sign me up. How about  “Jon Stewart Slams Fox New’s Chris Wallace?” Yassss plz. Because as mind numbing as the 24-hour news cycle can be (whether it’s CNN or Fox News delivering the coverage), it’s never more beautiful than when an outsider comes in and cuts out the bullshit with some quick wit.